Sometimes I'll read an article about Asperger's syndrome and I'll think "hey..." but then I think, no, if that were my problem I wouldn't be self-aware enough to identify it as such.
Normally I'd ask if anyone else does this, but I don't need to because I can use my serious empathy skills to guess that they do.
That actually doesn't have much to do with the topic at hand, except that it all fits into the larger theme of my lack of people skills.
I was thinking more about having a type and how it can affect one's love life, or not.
Somebody I work with has had at least two, possibly three, different girlfriends this year (it is either A-B-C or C-B-C. I am too polite to ask), but I didn't realize this until last week because I thought they were all the same person. Specifically, they all look like his ex-wife. I would think that after all the drama and breakups one would want to try something new, but apparently not. I think he just really, really has a type and can't do anything about that.
On the other side, two guys I know from high school both ended up with girls who are nothing like what their type was back then. (Thank you, internet!*) I don't know if their type changed, or if it just turned out not to be so important in the end. A lot can change in a few years, but neither of them was the type to settle, and I seriously doubt that that is the case.
I always say, with six billion people in the world, you can certainly find someone (or a lot of someones, if my student is any indication) who is your type. But six billion people is a lot. I suppose you could also find someone inexplicably attractive enough to make you not care that you have a type.
My own situation, like most things in this world, had more to do with me than with other people: Andrey tells me a girl is pretty, I look at her and see that she has darker skin than me and no hips to speak of and conclude that she looks nothing like me and we should break up. But people actually have more than two features, so who knows what he looks at?
So I might be his type after all, but at the same time it might not matter if I am or not. That should be the end of it. Of course, it isn't.
* Don't judge me! My serious empathy skills tell me that you stalk people on the internet, too.
If I weren't who's to say
15 years ago
1 comment:
You actually have none of the symptoms of Asperger's, but I have to thank you for this posting because it made me realize that a student I have probably does. I know there's something wrong. I know it's probably serious and undiagnosed. I kept thinking autism spectrum, but he craves social interaction instead of fleeing from it. He spends lunch with me everyday. He is incapable of asking anyone how they are. If I am engaged in a conversation with someone, he breaks in and talks somewhat on topic, but only about what he's interested in. So, if student A says, "Maybe the Universe is not a sphere after all," he says, "Dark energy is in my computer game." He's rude. If student B says, "I'm having trouble understanding what carbohydrates are," he'll walk past and say, "That's easy!" in a very dismissive tone. He has no sense of personal space. He changes topics abruptly. He has no sense of nuance in conversation, no give and take. One day, when I was describing polymers, he said, "Sperm is a polymer." I looked at him, trying to read whether he was being purposely inappropriate or stupidly inappropriate. Neither. There was nothing there.
Yesterday, two students came to complain about his lunchtime behavior, and I realized that I probably need to do something about it, other than my usual trying to steer him to healthier interactions. But I thank you for this post because I kept rejecting Asperger's as a possibility because I thought it was just Autism light.
Now, back to you. Aren't you getting tired of worrying about your lack of people skills when you've chosen a job that involves working with people all the time? And not only that, but you are successful enough at it that you have been raised up to higher positions at said job? I know you're kidding about empathy, but you couldn't work with people successfully without empathy skills, and you certainly would not find novels interesting, and your choice of movies would be way different if you lacked empathy. But I'm glad that you've sort of gotten over worrying about people having a type.
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