Can't stand no more

Every summer, the hot water goes off for 2 to 4 weeks while workers prepare the pipes for winter. It happens at different times in different cities (or, if you live in a big enough city, different areas of the city). Russians cannot fathom a world in which this does not happen. But then they also don't have the concept of running out of hot water on a regular basis.

The hot water usually goes off in mid-July. I was planning to be long gone by that time this year. This year, the hot water went off on May 12. What's more, the central heating system in the flats depends on hot water (don't ask me to explain because I do not know) and it has been a very cold May until this week.

So that's why I haven't updated. I'm too busy heating pots of water on the stove every time I want to take a bath or wash the dishes.

The good news is, the hot water should be back any day now. I cannot wait.


The other good news is, Russia totally won Eurovision on Saturday. More importantly, Dima Bilan won Eurovision.

Dima Bilan is a popstar with a mullet. He is also ultra hot. Don't ask me to explain because I do not know. Anyway, he won the Eurovision with a very, very Eurovision song and performance:

That's Yevgeny Plushenko, just in case Russia's win wasn't already a foregone conclusion.

I must admit, I didn't care for the song. I much prefer the 2006 entry, which got second place:

He can't really dance. It adds to his charm. My coworkers performed this song (and dance!) for my birthday that year.

Anyway, last year I promised a treatise on Eurovision, which never came. That was before I found out about YouTube. YouTube and Wikipedia together will tell you everything you need to know about Eurovision. Particularly insane performances include: Litunania 2006, Ukraine 2007, and Latvia 2008. Songs I actually kinda liked: Bosnia and Herzegovina 2006, Sweden 2007, France 2007, Germany 2007 (I liked Eurovision 2007). Winners: Greece 2005, Finland 2006, Serbia 2007.

The awesome news is, because of Russia's win, Eurovision will be in Moscow next year. If I could afford tickets or stand crowds, I would so be there.

Now I try to be amused

A few months ago, I decided that I'd wear flats more often. I travel around the city a lot for work, and I like to walk a lot, and wearing heels every day is not comfortable anymore. So I alternate, and when I go to a shoe store I head straight for the flats section because I am good and practical now. I am not, however, very interesting, as my four spring shoe purchases will show:

(Front to back: pointed-toe flat with buckle, pointed-toe flat with buckle, pointed-toe low-heel with buckle, reward for being so practical, also with buckle).

It wasn't until I saw them all together that I noticed that. In total, it makes 12 buckles on 4 pairs of shoes. Anyway, I offer this not to brag about how many shoes I have, or to get advice on where to find pointed-toe flats that don't have buckles, or to join the number of shoeblogs out there, or even because it helped me out, title-wise, but because it's the only explanation I have for the question that sets off the mother of all horrifying student conversations:

Me: [Saying something to the effect of America actually has a unique culture despite not being a very old country].
Student: Are all Americans Puritans like you?
M: I am not a Protestant.
S: [thinking]
M: But do you know what Calvinism is? It has a huge influence on American culture.
S: No, I want to ask: do all Americans believe in no sex outside family?
M: Oh my goodness, no!! That's just something we say about groups of people we don't--[at this point I get what he's asking and start laughing].
S: [Has the nerve to look annoyed by my lack of professionalism].
M: [Laughs some more because student has the nerve to look annoyed by my lack of professionalism]. You have *got* to rephrase that.
S: Yes, I can see that.

What makes it funny is how serious he was. Like it was a grammar question or something.

(And, according to this survey, the answer is 32%).

Drop another line like Decoto with the Kurds

Because I am unable to go for three whole days without internet access, I am on an old computer in a crowded, inadequately air-conditioned post office. I complain, but it reminds me so much of last summer that I actually feel kind of happy.

The very least I can give you is a horrifying student conversation. This one also doubles as a nationality test. I asked the student about his work history:

S: When I was at university, I had a business selling chemical substances.
M: Really.
S: Yes, for people to clean their houses.
M: Ah. You should find another way to say that.
[in the end we settled on "household cleaners" and a great laugh was had by all]
S: And after that, I sold pirated DVDs.

Nationality test: Does that last line make the story any funnier? If so, you are probably American.

But I do what I can

Tomorrow I am leaving for Perm, which is one of the cities I missed on my summer trip. There are ice caves nearby. They might be closed due to flooding (it's a nearby river, not extreme global warming), but I can't get any information on that. I will be horribly disappointed if they are, but I don't really have a choice about when my holidays are, and there is other stuff to see. I suppose I will find out.

It's 20.5 hours from Moscow to Perm, but I went to the Crimea on a 24-hour train a couple years ago, and from Khabarovsk to Ulan-Ude for 51 hours this summer. So I think I'll manage.

What this all means is that I'm going to be out of town for the inauguration on May 7 (in fact, I'm going to be on a train for most of May 7), when Dmitry Medvedev will be sworn in as the President of Russia. With the help of an endorsement from Putin, Medvedev won the election back in March with 70% of the vote, meaning that there were other candidates, too.

I pay attention to politics, but I don't worry much about Russian politics (I learned my lesson worrying about American politics, so I'm not about to start with a new country) as long as I can still have a visa. On an entirely superficial level, though, I am going to miss Putin, at least until he becomes Prime Minister. This is because, like a lot of women in Russia, I have a huge crush on him. That's wrong on a few levels (morally, politically, half-plus-sevenly until 2026), but what can you do?

Anyway, back in 2004 when I was taking a class about Russian politics I read somewhere that there was a pop song about him. This made me feel less weird. By the time I came to Russia, it wasn't very popular anymore, though I heard it a couple times.

It wasn't until today, thanks to YouTube, that I learned that there is an English (sort of) version, which I am posting here. I have no idea why there exists an English version of this song. But could there be a more appropriate song for this moment in history? Probably, but you know I'm kind of lazy.



Other stuff about Putin: Like me, he is right-handed but wears his watch on his right hand. Unlike me, he is the President of Russia. He has also visited Zelenograd, but it was a business visit, so I didn't see him, and he wasn't giving autographs. I did, however, get to see the conference room where the meeting was held (one of my colleagues actually teaches in there. So unfair!)

When I get back Russia will have a new president and I'll do the book memes (the only book nearby right now is a travel book. Page 123 has some advice on taking taxis), post pictures from the holiday and a couple of horrifying student conversations.