I think my brain crawled out of my ear last night when I was sleeping.
To begin with, I tried to give my morning student a listening test. This ended when the third question on the tape was completely different from the third question on the test, because the tapes are for a different edition of the book than the one I have. So you know right then that it's not going to be a super day.
I had a short break wherein I tried to exercise my shopping immunity, and then went back to work and talked about the shoes I didn't buy because they weren't in my size. You have to keep in mind that I'm wearing shiny boots while this conversation takes place.
Me: [going on about wonderful shoes]
Coworker: But would you really wear such shoes? They sound gaudy.
Me, with straight face: Yeah. I don't really mind gaudy shoes.
Hours later, I realize that he was being sarcastic.
Later, in the breakroom at work.
Coworker 1, looking at pretty full moon: Whoa...look at the moon.
Coworker 2: Ooh...it's nice.
Me, looking at orange half-circle looking thing: Weird. It looks like a soup bowl. I've never seen a moon like that.
[Strange looks from coworkers]
...I'm looking at a streetlamp, aren't I?
Last (I hope), I had to call the central school librarian (who often works at the reception desk at weekends, and I'm only ever there at weekends). Anyway, she has the same name as the girl who was working at the reception desk today. So I called and struck up a friendly conversation with the receptionist, who I'm sure I've never met. Then when I asked a question about books we both realized that I was talking to the completely wrong person.
If I were an unattractive male, people would probably assume that I was absent-minded yet brilliant. As it is, they probably think I'm an idiot. I want my brain back! I have no choice but to pick up a broom and dustpan and search my apartment. I do not think it could have got far. But what do I know?
If I weren't who's to say
14 years ago