When Andrey and I started seeing each other, I told him that I was not going to lose weight, I was not going to get a tan, and I was planning on aging like a normal person and that if that bothered him he could find someone else who met his standards. He thought it was weird that I felt I had to make such a declaration.
Someday I might post the tale of this photo. Now I'm posting the photo because Andrey said that the blonde girl standing next to me was pretty and, while I couldn't disagree with that, I resolved to break up with him when there was a good opportunity to do so. My reasoning? If she is his type, then I couldn't possibly be. And why waste time with someone you're not attracted to?
But then later I remembered that a person can find a number of different "types" attractive.*
And, if I weren't appallingly insecure, that would be the end of it.
But now Andrey works with a girl who he thinks is really beautiful and who looks nothing like me. And they also like the same books. So, once again, and even moreso this time, I'm not sure why I should even bother sticking around. Right now I just avoid her, but it is hard to do this without being rude. If I don't avoid her, I feel uncomfortable around her, which makes me more shy and withdrawn and un-charming than usual, which makes it even more clear that, if we are competing, I will lose.
I guess I can take comfort in the fact that apparently I'm not the only one with this problem.
I'm just assuming that the problem is that she looks nothing like me. This makes Andrey the bad guy for wasting the time of a perfectly nice girl who is just not his type.
But the problem might be that I'm really insecure, in which case I'd feel bad even if the girl looked exactly like me.
The obvious solution, then, is to clone myself, send the clone to work with Andrey, and see how that makes me feel.
(Seriously, though, I feel really bad about this and I could use some advice on whether it's worth it to stick around or if I've already lost).
* You know, this doesn't prove anything other than that celebrities tend to be attractive. I just had fun making the list.
If I weren't who's to say
14 years ago
5 comments:
Your list cracks me up. But I could make a similar list with even a few of the same people on it, and some odd ones, too, but not as odd as some of yours. Some of the men on your list are found attractive by many women, the way Ed Harris, who didn't make your cut, is.
Anyway, on to serious matters. The first thing is that it is much more fun to be secure because you can both have fun telling each other whom you find attractive and agree or disagree and discuss at length, knowing that it doesn't matter in the end, because you are the chosen one. The second thing is that you really need to work to get over that because, as you pointed out, it makes you less charming, but also because it gives someone a lot of power over you, and even if you love that someone, that's a lot of power for him to have. Third and last, I do have to wonder why someone who knows this bothers you continues to tell you how attracted he is to people who aren't celebrities, but who exist in the here and now.
I have friends who have been a couple for probably over 15 years now, complete with baby. He definitely has a type, though he denies it, andhis wife fits his type completely.
She also has a type, and he doesn't fit it. And it just doesn't seem to be a problem for them.
As you say, people can have more than one type, and some people just don't put the same value on physical appearance (I'm being serious -- I'm weird about it so I assume everyone is, but everyone isn't).
My friends, as far as I can tell, are very happy together, and they talk all the time about people they find attractive. As the wife wisely says, "Only one eye gets married."
I'm always telling people that one eye doesn't get married. I didn't know there was a source for that.
In Andrey's defense, he didn't know that it bothered me because it was just a mental note to break up the first time. He can't read minds, either.
What bothers me is, I did everything right this time. As in, not making the first move and letting him know early on that I have no intention of changing my appearance. If that can't guarantee a boyfriend who finds one physically attractive, then what can?
And that's how I came to the conclusion that this is probably more my problem than his.
That doesn't really solve it, though.
I’m going to play a typical guy here (that’s a hard role for me to play), and ignore all your problems and make this all about me. That’s what you get for adding a photo.
I’m not a fan of four. Three has the best legs of the group. One I can’t see at all, Two is very pretty, but both One and Two seem too tall for me. Though I know how tall Three is, so maybe they aren’t too tall…except Three is probably wearing heels that match her number. Five, well I’m not a huge fan of the dress, but I could get over that. What I can’t get over is that she is not standing between Four and Six. I guess that just leaves me to pick Six! (Sorry Three, I think there are laws against me picking you).
As for your problems: Well…back to me…My “type” changes every six months. I know, it was so steady back in middle school and high school, I don’t know what happened. But I don’t think relationships should be built upon “Type” for just that reason. Types change, people don’t. Guys will always look at other girls, you’ve just got to go with it, joke about it. You have things other than appearances for Andrey to treasure (Though I personally can’t think of what that could be).
Though, one question, does Andrey read your blog? If the answer is “Yes,” than I think your plan of action is already set.
To be fair, that is not a good picture of Four. I just don't have another one. Five was really obnoxious! She was nice enough, but she was really desperate for attention. It was kind of fun watching her facial expressions whenever anyone else was the center of attention. She'd look annoyed, then pained, then angry, then she'd find a way to get attention back onto herself. Six ended up with second place (first place isn't in the picture), so good job! Though Three obviously has the best legs.
One day I'm going to post a picture of Andrey and you all are going to laugh because, whatever you think my type is, he isn't it. Except his haircut.
Post a Comment