My Blog About Russia

Oops...

2009-08-22T13:49:00.002+04:00

I forgot to tell everyone: the new main blog is here: My Blog of Miscellany.

This blog is going to be for Russia travels only. Just have to get some free time and get the photo situation worked out. Which might be a while.

Update

2009-07-15T10:03:00.003+04:00

Okay, I'll try and keep this short:

1. Costa Rica was great.
2. Now I'm back in the US.
3. I'm thinking of changing the blog format, but I haven't decided what to do yet.
4. I'm much easier to find on Facebook for now.
5. Check back at the end of the month, when I will most likely be posting again.

On the road again!

2009-06-28T15:34:00.003+04:00

So, it looks like the video embedding phase has passed, and now I can write about what's really on my mind, which is this:

I'm going home soon!

And also:

I'm spending a week in Costa Rica!

For some reason*, though, I'm really freaked out about botflies. Even though a botfly infestation is probably not going to be harmful (I've searched the internet, but I can't find a single example of long term healh problems caused by botflies), they still really creep me out.

The best piece of advice I have heard is to prevent mosquito bites (there are a lot of reasons why this is a good idea) and iron everything, as sometimes the flies lay eggs on wet clothes.

Speaking of travel advice, I read this article recently. I agree with most of what she says, though I also agree with the commenters that she glosses over safety issues a bit. I think there are two reasons for this:

1. It's a short article. What do you want?
2. There is so much information out there about how dangerous and weird other countries can be, especially for American women (actually, for us there is a lot of information out there about how dangerous and weird every single square foot of the planet, including your own home, can be), that she is setting herself up as the opposing voice.

I'm actually really bothered by the assumption that a short article on women travelling has to deal with safety issues. A longer, more in-depth, article about a specific location would, of course, have to address safety issues, no matter who it was aimed at. But a short interview?

Well, I've written about this before, actually.

As for her comments about not feeling comfortable in the Middle East, I think most American women would agree. I find it far more interesting that she has a friend who does feel comfortable there. I'd like to see an interview with her next.

What she was getting at, though, is that if you travel to a country where you look very different, you are going to get a lot of attention. If you can't deal with that (I couldn't, but now I can), you have to choose your destinations more carefully (I did, but now I don't).

(I also feel compelled to add that 5'2" is not really tall in Asia. I was hoping it might be, but it is not).

* I'm pretty sure the reason is that they are fly larvae that burrow into your skin, grow, and then burrow back out again.

Maybe Norweigans just can't write lyrics. That's right. All five million of 'em.

2009-06-02T19:30:00.004+04:00

I am home sick again today. However! I am not going to get into my views on Eurovision semifinals. If I want to be healthy, I should avoid such emotional strain.

But I am in a video-embedding phase, and I am truly sorry about that if you read this blog from work. I'm sure it'll pass soon. In the meantime, here is a literal video:

At first I thought it was a good balance to all the Eurovision stuff. I was going to say that it shows that American singers can do zany productions, too, but thanks to wikipedia I now know that it proves no such thing. Step it up, America!

And here's a literal video where the lyrics make more sense than the original version:

Take on Me: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

Controversial post!

2009-06-01T15:06:00.006+04:00

I bought both the dresses. Now I'm spending the first day of June being sick.

So, Eurovision was in Moscow this year. I toyed with the idea of going, but I hate crowds, it would probably be cold, being May and all, and I'd get a better view of things on TV anyway. It also ends really late and I live outside Moscow. On the other hand, it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. In the end, I decided I wanted to go, only to find that tickets were (and had been) sold out forever. Anyway, I totally made the right decision. Or, rather, I made the wrong decision too late so it defaulted to the right decision because I am Homer Simpson.

First I'd like to address the voting, which was always, to me, the most interesting aspect of the whole thing.

They CHANGED it!!! The voting, I mean. Or, rather, they changed it back. Well, halfway

(It's a little more complicated than this, but...) Before 1975, the results were determined by professional juries. In 1975, the move was made to televoting. Now (at least in Russia), you vote by text message. I don't think viewer voting will ever be dropped entirely, and for good reason.

The problem was western Europe. Voters aren't allowed to vote for their own country (if they were, you could basically just change the name to Russiavision and get on with it). The voting trends are block voting, which is geographical, and diaspora voting, which is what happens when immigrants vote for their country of origin. So, if your country is nice enough that people don't want to leave it and stable enough not to have been divided into a bunch of little countries recently, you don't get a lot of votes.

I would argue that both of these trends are a) interesting, b) more cultural than political, and c) part of Eurovision. (I also think it pays to look at the list of winners over the past ten years. No repeats).

But Britain started complaining about its bad results, and Britain is one of the four big sponsors of the contest. The others are France, Spain, and Germany, and I don't know if they were complaining or not. Anyway, without the four biggest sponsors, Eurovision apparently doesn't happen, so something had to be done.

And so, the new voting system was introduced. Now a country's results are determined half by televote and half by professional jury. This was their choice:

Cons: he can't really sing. It also sounds like he's making up the lyrics as he goes along. I don't know if that's a problem with his singing or a problem with the lyrics. I suspect both.
Pros: nice eyes.
Obviously, the pros outweigh the cons.

I've spent the past few weeks explaining to people that I don't really object to this being the 2009 Eurovision winner. You know what I object to? This being the Eurovision winner with 387 points (out of 504 possible). I don't really object to this breaking the previous record. I object to this breaking the previous record by 95 points.

Way to go, Britain. Way to go.

Now there's some speculation that the juries chose Norway because Norway is in a good enough financial position to put on a show next year. I hate to be a conspiracy theorist, but that is the only way this makes sense. Maybe next year they can conspire together to give Portugal a win (they've never won, and they started competing in 1964). Hopefully, they'll make it a little less obvious.

Speaking of Portugal, I kind of love this:

Also notice the little Russian lessons that appeared at the beginning of each song. It's not a bad idea, but do not try to pronounce them as transcribed, as they will make no sense.

Iceland and Denmark just reminded me of American music (the sound, not the look). Let's see if you agree or if I've just been out of the country too long:

Second place. At least check out the background at 1:47.

I like this one.
Anyway, I saw these two and thought, "wow...northern Europe must be having an American music moment right now." And then Norway came on. "Never mind." The less said about Finland (which came later), the better.

But you were probably expecting something disastrously over the top and inappropriate. Here's Ukraine:

And Germany:

Easily my favorite song of the night (oh pseudo-retro German Eurovision entries, why can't I quit you?), but I can't take the staging. The singer is American, by the way. You'd think at some point he'd be like, "this looks kinda like Cabaret. I'm just not sure that's a good idea."

So that's my Eurovision dissertation. I didn't even get started on the semifinals, mostly because I avoid them. I like to be surprised. But the semifinals impact the voting, and apparently I feel very strongly about Eurovision voting.

The Russian word for "Mad Men theme party" is "жизнь"

2009-05-23T20:31:00.004+04:00

Stuff I wanted to post about today includes, but is not limited to:
1. Murmansk (giant statue)
2. Eurovision! (distressing results)
3. Why I feel sorry for pinnipeds (no arms)
4. Inadvertently propositioning a student (text message)

But I'm going shopping tomorrow and maybe actually buy a new dress for the first time in ages, so that overrides everything.

True or false: I need this dress.

The picture is blurry because I didn't really want people to think I was a weirdo who takes pictures in the dressing room. It's the one on the right here.

a) True.
b) So very true.
c) Not untrue.
d) While I don't think "need" is the word I would use, the gist of what you're saying is true.
e) If they had arms, they wouldn't be pinnipeds.

True or false: What I actually need is this dress.

a) True.
b) So true.
c) It would be true if you were actually going to wear it as a sleeveless dress, but we all know you're not.
d) Why not both?
e) Doesn't Eurovision always have distressing results?

2009-04-25T10:43:00.002+04:00

Sometimes I'll read an article about Asperger's syndrome and I'll think "hey..." but then I think, no, if that were my problem I wouldn't be self-aware enough to identify it as such.

Normally I'd ask if anyone else does this, but I don't need to because I can use my serious empathy skills to guess that they do.

That actually doesn't have much to do with the topic at hand, except that it all fits into the larger theme of my lack of people skills.

I was thinking more about having a type and how it can affect one's love life, or not.

Somebody I work with has had at least two, possibly three, different girlfriends this year (it is either A-B-C or C-B-C. I am too polite to ask), but I didn't realize this until last week because I thought they were all the same person. Specifically, they all look like his ex-wife. I would think that after all the drama and breakups one would want to try something new, but apparently not. I think he just really, really has a type and can't do anything about that.

On the other side, two guys I know from high school both ended up with girls who are nothing like what their type was back then. (Thank you, internet!*) I don't know if their type changed, or if it just turned out not to be so important in the end. A lot can change in a few years, but neither of them was the type to settle, and I seriously doubt that that is the case.

I always say, with six billion people in the world, you can certainly find someone (or a lot of someones, if my student is any indication) who is your type. But six billion people is a lot. I suppose you could also find someone inexplicably attractive enough to make you not care that you have a type.

My own situation, like most things in this world, had more to do with me than with other people: Andrey tells me a girl is pretty, I look at her and see that she has darker skin than me and no hips to speak of and conclude that she looks nothing like me and we should break up. But people actually have more than two features, so who knows what he looks at?

So I might be his type after all, but at the same time it might not matter if I am or not. That should be the end of it. Of course, it isn't.

* Don't judge me! My serious empathy skills tell me that you stalk people on the internet, too.

Screw you?

2009-04-20T12:05:00.002+04:00

It's been a while since I've done one of these:

Arkady (arguing with someone else): F*ck you!
Me (looking suitably horrified): You can't talk to people that way.
Arkady: I'm sorry, Marin. I don't know the polite way to say this.

I thought you'd know this already

2009-04-18T23:03:00.003+04:00

When Andrey and I started seeing each other, I told him that I was not going to lose weight, I was not going to get a tan, and I was planning on aging like a normal person and that if that bothered him he could find someone else who met his standards. He thought it was weird that I felt I had to make such a declaration.

Someday I might post the tale of this photo. Now I'm posting the photo because Andrey said that the blonde girl standing next to me was pretty and, while I couldn't disagree with that, I resolved to break up with him when there was a good opportunity to do so. My reasoning? If she is his type, then I couldn't possibly be. And why waste time with someone you're not attracted to?

But then later I remembered that a person can find a number of different "types" attractive.*

And, if I weren't appallingly insecure, that would be the end of it.

But now Andrey works with a girl who he thinks is really beautiful and who looks nothing like me. And they also like the same books. So, once again, and even moreso this time, I'm not sure why I should even bother sticking around. Right now I just avoid her, but it is hard to do this without being rude. If I don't avoid her, I feel uncomfortable around her, which makes me more shy and withdrawn and un-charming than usual, which makes it even more clear that, if we are competing, I will lose.

I guess I can take comfort in the fact that apparently I'm not the only one with this problem.

I'm just assuming that the problem is that she looks nothing like me. This makes Andrey the bad guy for wasting the time of a perfectly nice girl who is just not his type.

But the problem might be that I'm really insecure, in which case I'd feel bad even if the girl looked exactly like me.

The obvious solution, then, is to clone myself, send the clone to work with Andrey, and see how that makes me feel.

(Seriously, though, I feel really bad about this and I could use some advice on whether it's worth it to stick around or if I've already lost).

* You know, this doesn't prove anything other than that celebrities tend to be attractive. I just had fun making the list.

You got to help me out

2009-04-15T13:34:00.003+04:00

Happy Easter! I meant to post something on Easter, but I was too busy celebrating.

See, there were two things I decided to do for Lent:
1. try to understand people, especially the ones I dislike
2. go to church every Sunday

The second was easy, the first not so much. On the one hand, now I am far more likely to look at other people and try to see where they're coming from. And this makes me more forgiving. On the other hand, it doesn't work perfectly. There are some people I can forgive a little but still dislike a lot. And on the little-known third hand, I should not actually have to understand people in order to forgive them. I should just be forgiving. But I won't beat myself up over that last point because conditional forgiveness is better than nothing.

I also had to face the fact that I'm polite but not nice. I worry too much about making a good impression on people and not enough about actually improving their lives. More often than not, those two go hand-in-hand, which is why I never thought about it before.

Anyway, the problem with those first two Lent things is, they're what I'm supposed to be doing year-round anyway. I intend to keep up with the first, and I intend to do better with the second, but it takes an hour and a half to get to church, so I'd be lying if I said I planned to go every Sunday. Maybe every other Sunday.

Since the first two weren't really sacrifices, exactly, I decided that the third thing would be to read the whole Bible. In order to do this, I had to give up other books. Even at that, I did not read the whole Bible, just most of it, and I skipped around a bit. But I seriously, seriously missed just being able to read whatever. To make matters worse, I was in the middle of a novel when Lent started.

So you can probably guess what I've been doing since Easter.

Incidentally, the Bible thing might have been a bit counter-productive, since I came away from it with no understanding whatsoever of fundamentalists. It is not actually physically possible to take everything the Bible says literally.

But that, my friends, is a problem for next Lent. I'm going to go finish Middlemarch.*

* One of the characters in Middlemarch objects to dog ownership. I am not sure how I feel about that.

It's a really big problem when purchasing soylent green

2009-04-01T23:19:00.007+04:00

Having lived with my brain for the past few decades, I've grown quite accustomed to it. So there are certain things I do without thinking and without realizing that they're weird until somebody tells me that I'm being weird.

Not that that inspires me to change my ways or anything.

So, recently, it's come to my attention that my grocery shopping habits are weird. Specifically, I do not buy food with photographs of people on the package. I avoid food with drawings of people, but I can overcome that if the food is really good and/or on sale. But photos? Forget it.

I made some comment about this to a friend and she looked at me like I was insane. You could argue, though, that it's unnatural to have people on food labels. The label should show you the contents, right? When I first moved to Russia, I certainly relied more on the pictures than the words. So the simplest, clearest picture always won out. You could argue that I'm just exercising brand loyalty now.

You could argue that. Except that this isn't a new thing. And it's not just food. I'm the same way with books. Photos of things? Fine. Illustrations of people? Fine. Photos of people? No.

I was going to say that I probably get this from my mother, as it seems like something she'd do, but last summer she bought me a copy of Atonement with photos of the actors from the movie on the cover. So, not from her. Also, I'm a weirdo for remembering that.

I'm not a total weirdo, though. I'll buy DVDs and magazines with photos on the cover without giving it a second thought. So far it's just food and books. And cosmetics. And picture frames.

I can't be the only one, can I?

Let it have its ears!

2009-03-27T22:02:00.006+03:00

I'm not married and I don't have any kids, and, as such, I don't have opinions on raising children. I have OPINIONS on raising children.

Today's OPINION is about circumcision. It just seems like this topic has been coming up (so to speak) a lot lately, always in conversation with other women who aren't married and don't have children.

Except for one argument with my mother, who has children. She was shocked and disappointed that my views were so extreme.* But, as for the rest, we all have extreme views. I am strongly opposed.

I am sure that's a big surprise. The simple reason is, I don't believe that unnecessary surgery should be performed on infants. Unnecessary surgery on someone who is not only too young to make an informed decision, but who is also too young to make (or at least communicate) an uninformed one.

People either strongly agree or strongly disagree with that. I have not heard anyone say that she'd leave it up to the kid's father, who, after all, might have more insight into the situation.

Because people have such strong opinions, I never really try to change their minds. But I also think that, if "unnecessary surgery on an infant" doesn't do the trick, I don't really see the point in continuing the argument. To me, that's the only argument you need.

But today I have some time on my hands:

1. "It lowers the risk of HIV transmission/cancer/other horrible condition."

I am not trying to be funny when I say that I kind of want to have my appendix taken out just so I don't have to worry about it anymore. I have a friend who almost died because she didn't know she had appendicitis. If there were a way to have my appendix out for free with local anaesthetic, I would be all over that.

Most people look at me like I've lost my mind when I say this. Some people think I'm onto something.

But imagine I'm saying the same thing about a newborn baby: "Isn't she cute? We've scheduled her appendectomy for next week. Of course it will hurt, but it's healthier in the long run." I hope you would call child protective services.

2. "I don't like foreskins."

Speaking of calling child protective services... To be fair, I think that what they mean to say is:

2a. "Girls don't like foreskins."

Honestly, I hope this is true. I do not want my kids to be sleeping around! And I especially do not want them sleeping around before they're 18, at which point they can get whatever surgery they want in order to facilitate the sleeping around.

3. "But it will hurt later. If you get it done when they're babies, they won't remember the pain."

But it's not like it's something they'll need to get done eventually and therefore it's best to get it out of the way when they won't remember it. It's optional, and by having it done when they're babies, you're taking that option away. It's like giving your kid a bunch of tattoos because they might want them someday.

So, for the record, I am opposed. Honestly, I would want it to be illegal but for the fact that a lot of people would get it done underground.

I didn't address any religious arguments because it's not my place to do so. Also because nobody I've discussed this with is religious. Anyway, I think it's a change that needs to be made within the religious communities (Jewish, Muslim, I don't know of any others) that do it. For a not-so-good parallel, I'd find it weird if a Jewish or Muslim person questioned the practice of baptizing infants, but I'll listen to Christians who question it.

If you read the Bible (another Lent thing I'm doing), it's easier to understand why Jewish people continue this practice. It's more significant than I had realized before reading the Bible. I haven't read the Quran, so I can't really comment.**

* I didn't ask you this at the time, but what did you expect from someone who is opposed to dog ownership? I mean, I am not really known for my grasp of complexity and nuance, nor my acceptance of practices that I decide are unnatural.

** If I had a minute for every time I said this, I'd have read the Quran by now. No joke.

Vampire readers: feel free to weigh in

2009-03-14T09:28:00.006+03:00

Because I know everything, I've concluded that, if I made movies then they'd either be about 10 minutes long or really, really boring. It would look something like this:
1. protagonists meet and fall in love
2. they arrange to be together then go on with their lives

Or this:
1. protagonists don't fall in love because it's inadvisable
2. they go on with their lives

I know this because during movies I tend to say stuff like this:
"He should just bite her and then they could be vampires together."
a few minutes later...
"Okay, he should wait four years, then bite her, so she can buy alcohol for them."

Yeah, so, I watched "Twilight" yesterday. I have to say, I liked it. I wonder if so many people hated it because it was so popular. I do kind of wish that it was either a dark and serious movie or a romantic one, and not trying to be all middle ground. What I mean is, the film is too dark and depressing for you to feel happy at the end, but at the same time I was left wondering why anyone wouldn't want to be a vampire. A less serious film would be mindless fluff, but there is a place for mindless fluff in the world.

A more serious film would have focused more on positive and negative aspects of vampirism. Do more recently-changed vampires shy away from eating people because they remember what it's like to be human? Is it that older vampires grew up during a time when there was less respect for human life? Or is it just a coincidence that the non-human-eating vampires in the movie tend to be younger? I thought it was interesting that they would kill an evil vampire but not evil humans. What's with all the self-hatred? Why hide from humans? Why not just be like "hey, we're vampires but we only eat animals. Unless you bother us. Is that going to be a problem for you?" I would like these questions answered.

So I guess my main complaint about Twilight is that it isn't X-Men.

I also wanted to say something about how you shouldn't sneak into your girlfriend's house and watch her sleep, but that sort of implies that it's ok to sneak into other people's houses and watch them sleep, or to sneak into your girlfriend's house for reasons other than sleep-watching. My actual advice is, don't sneak into ANYONE'S house.

It's uter-us, Marge, not uter-you

2009-03-07T23:46:00.003+03:00

I decided that I was going to try harder to understand other people for Lent. This mostly involves forgiving people who I know, as I have been amazingly unforgiving, but I'm also trying to be more understanding in general. So, while this post is pretty judgemental (hey, we're just ten days in), it is based on an honest question.

I'm putting this thought into writing because it's been bothering me for a really long time:

I do not understand people who need to have biological children.

Is that just me being weird again or do other people feel this way too?

I do know that it's not really my business. And I can understand wanting children.

I even understand wanting biological children because I understand loving somebody so much that you want to create a child together because you're sure that anything you create together will be awesome. But, in the land of unicorns and rainbows where I apparently live, you would also love that person enough to be like, "let's not put you through thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars worth of uncomfortable-at-best and dangerous-at-worst fertility treatments that may or may not work."

Personally, I would not want to stay married to someone who was pushing me to go through any unnecessary medical procedures.* He wouldn't want to stay married to me, either, so I guess that's win-win. It depresses me, though, that you'd marry someone who needs biological children so badly that your only options would be unnecessary medical procedure or divorce. I think that I deserve better. I think that everyone deserves better.

Incidentally, the church is opposed to both divorce and fertility treatments, so, from a religious standpoint, what are you supposed to do in that situation anyway?

But I'm being really sexist in assuming that women don't choose to go through these treatments of their own accord. Tons of women do. I can't even begin to understand them.

Adoption has financial strain and disappointment, too, but it doesn't affect your physical health. I suppose that's where I draw the line.

Other people draw the line somewhere else, and they have the right to do that. I just don't get it. Is it biological? Social? Do I have low self-esteem because I don't feel that I need to be copied?

* So it occurs to me that at some point I should discuss this with potential suitors. Third date seems reasonable. Over dinner I'll just be like "so if we get married and it turns out that I can't have children I have no intention of doing anything about that. Also, the bump on my nose is here to stay."**

** This footnote is intended to be humorous, but it is also based on an honest question. How does one bring that up? Or should I just stop trying to interact with people because they will never live up to my standards?***

*** ...which would be exactly the opposite of what I'm trying to do here. Obviously, I have got a ways to go.

I never thought you were a fool

2009-02-23T16:29:00.005+03:00

Here is a test of your decision-making skills:

You wake up on Saturday morning feeling depressed. You:
a) drag yourself into the city to do something touristy
b) call your family
c) buy some shoes
d) decide you're going to sit this one out and buy enough provisions so as not to have to leave your apartment all weekend

So, about those provisions:
a) something healthy, balanced, with lots of potassium, because you have read that this is good for improving your mood
b) bread and water because there are millions of people in the world who live on less and why do you deserve any better than they do?
c) vodka, which you have also read is good for improving your mood
d) cookies 'n' cream because you are apparently five years old

Okay, FINE. But your apartment is pretty boring. Let's watch a DVD:
a) "Flight of the Conchords"
b) "Stranger than Fiction"
c) "Kung-Fu Panda"
d) "Atonement"

...I think you get the idea. Intellectually, I know that there are much, much better ways of dealing with a bad mood, though I actually do feel better now. Except my stomach hates me (but I am not alone). I have no idea why I keep thinking dairy products = comfort food.

Anyway, "Atonement" is seriously depressing, but it is a good movie, and I almost regret reading the book first just because it was so much better. Well, the book didn't have James McAvoy. So there's that.

You'll thank me when you share my politics

2009-02-14T12:48:00.003+03:00

So I was in a wikipedia trance (that's what I'm calling it now) prompted by my friend's blog. As I was reading about Saint Hippolytus, I noticed a sidebar which gives information about feast days. "Neat!" I thought, "I wonder whose feast day it is today..."

Then I felt kind of stupid.

Then I looked it up anyway and it turns out that today is ALSO the feast day of Saints Cyril and Methodius, which doesn't seem quite fair. They have a bunch of different feast days, though, so I won't get too upset.

Here is what Dinosaur Comics has to say on the subject of Valentine's Day.

If you read this comic a lot, then it is not really surprising if I tell you that I often remind myself of T-Rex.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago I was cleaning the kitchen and thinking about racism. As in, racist people now are obviously bad, but what about old-timey racists? They didn't have exposure to other belief systems, so what happened to them after they died? It's all well and good for us to ignore these things and judge people by the standards of their time, but I don't really think the afterlife works that way. I got distracted by something shiny.

So, the next day, I'm on the internet reading the comics, and I get to this. See, it's not creepy that there was a comic about something I was thinking about before. That happens all the time with this comic. It's that it happened at the same time. I have concluded that maybe I need to get out more.

Which I will totally do once people are speaking to me again (February always brings the drama) and I don't have a 101-degree fever (February also always brings the illness).

Happy February!

2009-02-11T23:07:00.005+03:00

I am still alive, just had a really busy week last week and a really unpleasant cold the week before that. Since then I have:
1. Conducted a teaching seminar for the first time. It was about grammar. Two of the teachers travelled four hours to attend. I certainly hope they found it useful.
2. Recieved some Christmas presents, including two sweater dresses.
3. Stopped speaking to someone who I thought was a friend. It turns out that she is mean and backstabby and unreasonable.*
4. Been really cold.
5. Had everyone and their mother tell me that I am either too fat or too thin, to the point that I figure they balance each other out.
6. Watched the second season of 30 Rock.

I'll get back to Egypt soon. For now, horrifying student conversations: divorce edition!

Misha: We didn't get divorced. The court denied the appeal of my wife.

I would think that would be grounds for divorce. But I didn't say that because I am kind and sensitive.

The next is more of a horrifying teacher conversation. We will call this teacher "Teacher A."
Fyodor Pavlovich: I think one problem was that our ages are too different.
Teacher A: How old is she?
FP: Twenty-five.
A: Oh, that's ok. She's so young I'm sure she'll remarry very soon.
FP: ...
A: Sooo, have you got any questions about the homework?

I also had a creepy experience involving Dinosaur Comics, but it is late and I want to sleep, so I will write about it later.

* You know me. It's the unreasonable that really gets to me, but I'll be over it within a couple weeks.

Egypt Post 1

2009-01-26T00:47:00.007+03:00

One problem that I have is that I tend not to do anything if I can't do it perfectly. That's how my room is generally a mess because I spent the day I set aside to clean it doing something totally insignificant. I don't care how clean the room appears; if your sweater dresses are not organized by hex code, it is all a lie.

It is also the reason that most of the trips I've taken remain un-blogged.

A big part of the problem is that I would really like to make a map of the whole trip, as well as each leg of the trip. But I need a map that:
- shows the places I visited
- shows the paths between places
- doesn't give so much information as to be unreadable (basically, I want all the major cities and famous places, and any non-main places I visited, and nothing else).

What I really want is a webpage that can generate that based on my itinerary. But, since I don't have that, take out an atlas and follow along:

20/12 - fly from Moscow to Hurghada
21/12 - leave really early in the morning, tourist van to Luxor, board boat
22/12 - boat to Edfu, Kom Ombo
23/12 - boat to Aswan, side trip to Abu Simbel
24/12 - Aswan, catch night train to Cairo
25/12 - Cairo
26/12 - was supposed to be Alexandria, but I got sick
27/12 - 03/01 - Hurghada

So, in the interest of getting over my stupid perfectionism, I'm going to do this in chronological order and just write and post pictures until I have to stop for the day.

December 20 - Hurghada

I'll come back to this later, because at this point Hurghada was just a place to stay before going to Luxor. But, in short, Hurghada is on the Red Sea and 80% of its tourists are Russian. It's sort of a less-rich man's Sharm el-Sheikh.

Hurghada has an international airport that doesn't really handle its tourists well at all. First, you buy a visa. This is no big deal. But then you wait in not-line for about an hour to get your passport stamped. I think I'm claustrophobic about people because waiting in not-line does bad things to my heart rate.* In the future, I need to make sure to:
1. warn people I'm travelling with about this.
2. stand in the line that's next to the wall, no matter how much longer it is.
3. bring more suitcases so as to make a little fortress around myself.

Anyway, once that was done, we were shuttled to the resort and told that we'd be leaving for Luxor at 5:30 am the next day. I didn't really have time to get an impression of the resort, except that the buffet was really good and there seemed to be mosquitoes.

December 21 - Luxor
Luxor day was a very, very tiring day. First off, we were picked up at 6 am. It turns out that they adjust times for Russian tourists, which is probably a good idea. It takes about four hours to drive from Hurghada to Luxor. Most of this is through the desert. We stopped briefly at a cafeteria where it seemed like all the tour buses stopped. Lots of people were standing around wearing old-fashioned clothes and tending goats and camels and charging tourists for pictures:

At some point I decided I was totally cool with being a stereotypical tourist.

Andrey bought a hat from a vendor. He negotiated the price down from 400 Egyptian pounds (about $80) to 50 ($10). I really hate negotiating, so I was impressed. The vendor congratulated me on my new president.

It's immediately obvious when you are approaching the Nile because everything turns green and habitable. I'd like to say that the desert has its own beauty, and I'm sure that I will say that in a later entry, but I really wasn't feeling that on Luxor day.

As for the city of Luxor, I can't say much because we just drove through there on our way to different tourist attractions. What I could see looked very agricultural, with no offices or shops, but it's entirely possible that we just never drove through the commercial district. I saw a lot of apartment buildings being built up while people had already moved into the lower floors. I am guessing it's due to a housing shortage, stopped construction projects, or both. I wish I had asked the tour guide about it. I didn't because I thought it was a rude question, and it probably is. It took me a couple days to realize that answering tourists' rude questions is the tour guide's job.

All the women I saw walking around were mostly dressed in black, totally covered up except for their faces. This blog tells me that this is either a Khimar or a Chador. I was surprised and a little bit worried. I wasn't prepared for it to be quite that conservative.

[Marin takes a couple hours getting lost reading someone else's blog].

So, as I was saying, I didn't get much of an impression of the city because I didn't spend any time there. The tourist attractions were more than enough for one day. But they will have to wait for the next blog entry, because I have work tomorrow.

* It depends on how tall the people around are. If they're around my height, I'm fine. If they're taller (or I'm sitting down), it really bothers me. In this case, a flight from Switzerland got in at the same time as ours.

To the left!

2009-01-21T02:08:00.004+03:00

New president! Hooray!

Apparently people all over the world are celebrating, which I find...distressing. As in, I like Obama and I think he'll do a good job, but I feel like a lot of the enthusiasm from other countries isn't because they think he'll do a good job, but because they think he can't possibly be worse than the last president. I agree with that, but it makes me sad about how the last eight years have been spent.

Well, I think that's true of Europe, anyway. People I met in Egypt didn't talk about politics but were excited that America was going to have a Black president, or they didn't mention it at all (I suspect that there are some serious racial issues going on in Egypt, and I won't pretend to understand them, but it was pretty easy to predict who was going to talk about Obama and who wasn't).

Russians mostly know not to talk about politics with me because a) from a professional standpoint, I can't, and b) they have no room to talk, and, to be fair, I'm not sure they discuss politics with each other. I think they are mostly happy that George W. Bush is gone but also worried about the economy.

But occasionally you come across nutjobby Russians who think that Nostradamus predicted that the last president of the US would be Black and that therefore the US will collapse soon. Do you have these people in America too? The best way to deal with this is to just accept the prophecy and point out that there could be Black presidents after Obama. This really bothers them because a) they were all prepared for you to argue with them about the validity of Nostradamus' prophecies, b) they are most likely racist, whether they know it or not, and c) they really can't argue with that. I have been having fun with this.

Just your typical prototype

2008-12-07T19:53:00.003+03:00

This poll was brought to you by iTunes (and not locking your door when you know you have friends coming over)

What is the most embarrassing song to be caught singing along to?
a) Journey, "Don't Stop Believin'"
b) Dragonforce, "Through the Fire and Flames"
c) Cabaret, "Mein Herr"
d) All of the above, though certainly embarrassing, still play into the whole self-conciously nerdy thing you have going on. The right answer is "Piece of Me" by Britney Spears.
e) Having heard you sing, I can tell you that it's embarrassing no matter what the song.
f) Sorry, but this is really bothering me. Aren't prototypes, by definition, typical?

On planning a trip to Egypt

"I just want to be respectful of the local culture. And buy some new clothes."

Yes, I am finally going to Egypt! I started to make a packing list and then realized that almost everything I own, save for my orange scarf, is not really suitable for Egypt. I'm pretty sure that Russia is the exact opposite of Egypt in terms of cultural climate and climate climate.

Which is kind of funny, since a lot of the stuff I'm reading about Egypt is also stuff that I read about Russia years ago. Specifically:
- beware of pickpockets and don't leave your passport in your hotel room
- don't drink the water and be wary of street food
- don't bother driving and look out when crossing the street because drivers are crazy
- health and safety standards are lower, and fatal transport accidents are not unheard-of
- do not even go anywhere near illegal drugs
- don't take photos of government buildings or military personnel
- you will stand out more and might be harrassed if you have dark skin/light hair (I'll let you figure out which country is which here)
- don't go anywhere with strangers who approach you (find me a country where it IS advisable to do this and I'll cash in my life savings and move there)
- I came to Russia just after Beslan, so even the terrorism warnings sound vaguely familiar to me.

A lot of this turned out to be very good advice, and a lot of it is just common sense. I would say that they are all true, or at least not-untrue. Taken all together, though, it makes Moscow sound a lot scarier than it actually is, so I try and keep that in mind when I read the exact same things about Cairo, or anywhere else I travel, for that matter.

Even worse, before I came to Russia, somebody told me that I could be kidnapped and they would cut off my fingers and send them to my parents one-by-one until they agreed to pay millions of dollars for my release. Hasn't happened yet. The other day somebody told me that foreign women in Egypt can get kidnapped and shipped to brothels in other middle eastern countries never to be heard from again.

Honestly, these stories mostly just make the people telling them sound creepy. These both sound like things that could happen, or even have happened in the past.* But do you tell visitors to America that they might get all serial-killed?

I don't mean to minimize the risks of international travel, especially to a country whose culture is so very far removed from your own, and, yeah, I am a bit nervous. But I do what I can to minimize risks (in this case that means using a reputable travel agency, dressing conservatively, and not going alone**), and I read a lot about any place before I make the decision to visit it. So I ask everybody to please trust my judgement (about travelling -- I certainly won't ask you to trust my judgement about music).

I have changed

Yeah, when did that happen? Still look like a robot in photographs, though:

This was taken at the Polytechnic museum in Moscow last weekend. This is an awesome museum and I cannot believe I did not visit it earlier. It was a robotic tour guide for an exhibition, but I don't know if it was ever actually used.

* The ONLY similar account I found for either scenario in either country was the tourist kidnapping in September, which had a happy ending. Plus, I won't be anywhere near that part of the country.

** I feel really conflicted about these last two concessions. As in, if I can't travel alone and dress however I want without the risk of being harrassed, does the country deserve my tourism dollars at all? I could argue that Egypt is making progress in this area, or that being in the country as a polite, respectful American can only have a good influence on people's attitudes, or even that I have no right to ask this question in the first place. But I really just want to see the pyramids.

No title to tie all these together. I'm not that good.

2008-11-27T23:10:00.004+03:00

Happy Thanksgiving! Of course I am sick today (this seems to be a Thanksgiving tradition for me).

I don't have much to write about. My teaching hours were reduced when I was promoted, with the consequence that this year has been depressingly devoid of horrifying student conversations, just a couple of mildly amusing ones:

This isn't technically a student conversation, but I'm counting it because I was in character for some reason, and because it was totally wasted on its audience:
Vladimir Petrovich*: You never do anything stupid?
Me: No, never.
V: I think it is okay to do mistakes sometimes.
M: Well, evidently.

Funny student:
Fyodor Pavlovich: Have you found a new boyfriend yet?
Me: It's been two weeks!
F: So, more than one.

I got tagged for a meme, but I don't know seven bloggers to re-tag (and, for the record, it really is bothering me that there aren't seven rules), so I'm just going to tell you seven weird things about myself:

1. I'm allergic to all fruit except citruses. I'm not allergic to cooked fruit at all, and salad dressing makes me less allergic to tomatoes. I haven't tried it on other fruits (and, honestly, have no intention of doing so). I'm less allergic to unripe fruit.

2. When I first came here, I was so self-conscious about my accent that I just wrote notes for everything I wanted at stores and restaurants. I was also self-conscious about my handwriting, so I often asked my boss to write notes for me.

3. I dressed up as a boy for the last Halloween party. I didn't condition my hair for a week, studied the way that guys move, borrowed clothes from a coworker (who was dressing up as me), padded my shoulders and waistline like crazy, gave myself a dreadful moustache using some mascara, and resolved to only drink beer all night. I was very proud of this costume. My coworker told me I looked like Hilary Swank in "Boys Don't Cry." "Is that a compliment?" I asked. "I...guess."

4. I haven't dyed my hair since 2006. I wanted to dye it gray for a while, but exactly nobody thought this was a good idea, and the amount of bleaching it would require made me give up entirely.

5. I eventually learned how to use chopsticks at age 17 because I was at a restaurant where they didn't give me a fork and I was too embarrassed to ask for one. Years later, I was in China and every time I walked into a restaurant people would watch me just to see whether I could eat with chopsticks. It would have been kind of embarrassing if I hadn't been able to.

6. I really really miss swiss orange and mint chocolate chip ice cream. Not together.

7. I think I remember conversations better than most people, to the point that I find myself pretending not to remember stories that I've been told before because it just makes the conversation easier.

* No, these are not real names, just really pretentious aliases. Please do not stalk my students.

How the world can change

2008-11-13T01:15:00.004+03:00

Life since my last update has been interesting (Dmitry and I broke up. I do not want to talk about it), but that's not what I'm going to write about. What I'm going to write about is:

1. Obama won the election!!! I kind of wish I had been home for it. But people here are happy, too. A McCain win would have destroyed our credibility, at least here in Russia (and, yes, I do know how that sounds). Some of them are worried that I'm going to go back now. What I was really waiting for was health care, so...maybe?

2. Proposition 8. I...have no words for this. But look here. Second picture, middle sign, awesome. It kind of made me wish that my parents were fundamentalist nutjobs so that I could marry that guy just to prove a point.

And I understand that lots of otherwise good people are opposed to gay marriage, I assume because their churches say so (like mine, though I manage to form my own opinions on this issue despite that) or because they are just uncomfortable with it (that would be the entire population of the country that I choose to live in). It's the voting against it that I have a problem with. That's basically going to the polls and saying "I do not want people who I will never meet and who have no effect on my life to be able to visit each other in the hospital when one of them is seriously ill." Who DOES that?!?

It turns out that I do have some words for this.

3. Talking to my friend, an Evangelical Christian, about Sarah Palin (this was before the election when it was relevant):
O: See, she's one of those scary Christians.
M: Ye...what, what?! You have to explain that because as far as I'm concerned YOU'RE one of those scary Christians!
O: [uses the one issue that I actually, KIND OF, agree with Palin on to illustrate her point]
M: Oh...my. This means that someone out there thinks I'm a scary Christian, too.
O: Yeah, they're called Episcopalians.
M: Ooh...I bet they do.
O: But who thinks Episcopalians are scary?
M: Unitarians!

And then you come full-circle because I imagine that the Sarah Palins of the world find Unitarians scary. Or...it might be more of a line than a circle.

4. I am currently scraping the money together to go visit my brother in Berlin. His blog is updated more often than mine. His post about contractors reminds me of some of the people I work with, except we make a lot less money. But the lifestyle is similar.

5. Points if you know where I got that title from (it ties the whole post together, though 3 is kind of a stretch).

And a towel. Don't forget to bring a towel.

2008-10-08T01:55:00.004+04:00

So over at one of the fashion blogs I read, there is a question about what to pack if you're going backpacking for two months. I'm not really what you'd call a backpacker, but I did go on a 6-week vacation this one time when I wasn't really staying in one place and had to carry everything with me.

Anyway, I started to write a response in the comments, but it got kind of long-winded and I didn't want to hijack the thread. So I decided to copy it here instead. Then I added footnotes wherein I talk about myself, as this is my blog and I can do that.

No matter where you go, I strongly recommend a scarf-shawl type thing. It will keep you warm, keep the sun off of you, and allow you to visit any churches with strict dress codes.

If you're going to spend a lot of time in cities: bring lots of sundresses in different lengths. They don't take up much space in your luggage. Depending on the weather or how conservative the place is, you can wear a hoodie or the aforementioned scarf to cover up (also make sure the material is opaque, as that can be embarassing otherwise). What's more, you can hand wash them, they dry quickly, and you don't have to plan an outfit. (If you're not comfortable wearing dresses, though, disregard this paragraph because you shouldn't travel in clothes you're not comfortable in).

For outdoor activities, you'll need pants and shirts (layers are good here), but probably not as many as you think.

As for shoes,
1. don't bother with "nice" shoes. You will never wear them. You'll be walking so much that, even if you do go out in the evening, you'll probably end up choosing comfort over style. It also leaves you with an excuse (and space) to buy shoes there, and who doesn't want that?
2. you should definitely bring sandals, but make sure they are comfortable and have good arch support. Actually, that should be true of all the shoes you bring.
3. Shoes are heavy, so the fewer you can get away with, the better. I only really needed two pairs.*

With regard to maintenance, get a haircut that will look ok when it grows out, and bring some hair ties. Keep your nails short, but bring a nail file so they still look neat. I don't like travelling with nail polish, but if you can't live without it, go for something light, iridescent and quick-drying. I also brought a bar of detergent for hand-washing clothes. I didn't even know they existed until just before I left, but they are very useful.

Finally, if you forget something, or you end up wanting something you didn't pack, you can more than likely buy it there. Then you have something useful with nice memories attached to it.**

* I can't believe I just advised somebody to bring fewer pairs of shoes. Does the fact that I advocated buying more balance it out?

** I bought a lot of clothes when I was travelling, the weirdest being the cordouroy jacket that brings all the boys to the yard. In fact, I wore it today and this really good-looking guy who had travelled a lot around Russia was flirting with me. When I wore it two weeks ago, I went to Moscow and an Italian tourist sang to me (I have no idea what he was singing. Perhaps it was some aria from an opera about an ugly girl with a nice jacket). It's also the jacket that prompted my student to tell me I had "a perfect figure" some months ago. There is NOTHING remarkable about this jacket. I will find a picture.

Perhaps I can make an analogy.
unremarkable cordouroy jacket : European men :: graph paper shirt, conservative haircut, and glasses :

a) European women
b) All women everywhere
c) Stephen Colbert's wife
d) Just you, weirdo

2008-10-03T00:05:00.004+04:00

Well, I went to Petrozavodsk, but some boats to Kizhi (specifically, the three I could have taken) were cancelled because the tourist season is winding down. This happens when I travel. It's because I don't sign up for stuff in advance and instead try to figure things out by myself when I get there. Sometimes it doesn't work out. It usually doesn't bother me. For some reason it did this time.

That "some reason" might be:
- I was sick
- my bank collapsed
- the entire American economy might collapse
- my birthday is coming up
- my cell phone stops working for hours at a time for no reason
- when it does work I accidentally send unspeakably creepy text messages
- my camera is dying
- my iPod crashed three times in as many days
- work
- everything else

ANYWAY, Petrozavodsk is a nice city with a really charming waterfront, and I didn't even need a map because, after visiting a lot of Russian cities (seriously, I have visited a lot of Russian cities), I can just draw my own:

I sketched this for a coworker and then decided to add stuff. The middle part says "Lenin St."

I spent most of my time there near the lake. It might be my favorite waterfront in Russia, and that is saying a lot.

So I'd like to go back there and actually see Kizhi. And maybe Valaam (this was highly recommended by the hotel staff, but you need to spend a couple days). But I also feel like there is too much on my list of things to see and places to go and that I am never actually going to be done with it, particularly if I keep failing to cross anything off.

2008-09-26T16:38:00.000+04:00

I am going away for the weekend. Back soon!

Misc.

2008-09-03T12:50:00.004+04:00

I have a lot of half-written blog posts that I just can't really seem to make into full posts. This is going to seem like a pretty random list of stuff.

Annoying Problem:
Students who think that I'm the only one who can teach them. I wrote about this last year. Except now my title is "Director of Studies" and my contract hours are reduced.

My proposed solution was to give everyone a nifty-sounding title, but this did not really fly with administration.

The reason this bothers me is that, while I am a good teacher, a huge part of my job is training other teachers to become good teachers. When students say that none of our other teachers can teach them, they are basically saying that I am no good at the training part of my job.

Though they might have a point:
I was helping one of the teachers plan his lesson.
A: Okay, so next I would elicit questions from the students.
B, writes "Illicit questions from students."
A: Well, that would be a much more interesting lesson.

Weather:
Every year, I get back to Moscow just in time for some ridiculuously hot weather. And every year I think "well, I might as well enjoy the opportunity to wear all my summer dresses because it gets cold really fast." And a week later every year I think "what happened?!? It was 90 degrees last week and now it's 50-something."

This is my way of saying that it's been a bit cold.

Shopping:
So I was rereading The Luzhin Defense this summer. It's not white stockings and bluish shoes but gray stockings and bluish shoes. I have no idea how I mixed that up. It was pretty easy to fix.

Other than that, I have mostly been window shopping because I am trying to save money. But I did buy a gray hat. Not even Suze Orman could disapprove of this hat.

Swimming:
The first thing to remember is that people don't have swimming pools here because they mostly live in apartments. None of the complexes here have pools, though that might be different elsewhere. The point is, if you want to swim after the weather turns cold, you have to go to the public pool.

Anyway, going to the public pool here is a multi-step process.
1. Go to the doctor (you can do this without an appointment). They want to make sure that you don't have heart problems and that your feet are not fungus-encrusted. If you pass, they write you a health clearance and you pay about $9 to get it stamped.
2. Then you bring your note to the pool, where they enter your name in their database. This is good for 6-12 months, and then you have to get another doctor's note.
3. Make an appointment to swim. There are a number of 45-minute sessions in the morning and evening on weekdays, and all day on Sunday. You can make your appointment for the same day, but you're more likely to get a space if you buy in advance. They print you a ticket with your name and appointment at the admin desk. 4. Take this ticket to the cash desk and pay about $5 to get it stamped.
5. Bring your stamped ticket to the locker room, where they give you a key.
6. Change, shower, swim. Make sure you have a swim cap because they won't let you in the pool without one.

For all I know, public pools have the same procedure everywhere. But I had been putting all this off for a while because I thought it seemed like a lot of steps and I hate swimming anyway.

In fact,
a) It doesn't take as long as it sounds.
b) If the pool is indoors and nobody is looking at you, swimming is actually a lot of fun.
c) You can, however, still hurt your feet. Always stretch first!

In general I'm really liking this swimming-as-exercise business. It's much better for my feet and knees and lungs than running or walking, I don't have to worry about cars like I do with roller-blading, I can swim no matter what the weather, and it might help me do something about my little tyrannosaurus arms. Let's see if I can actually keep it up.

The disadvantages are the cost, the fact that I'm going to need a hair dryer, and the location of the pool (across town). I'm also not really going to give up walking, as that has a psychological benefit. Is there room in my life for one and a half forms of exercise?

For more about Russian bureaucracy:
Read Mikhail Zoshchenko. I hadn't even heard of him until I had already been living in Russia for a year. I find him hilarious, but I don't know if I would have before I came here.

Exciting News:
I'm going to Petrozavodsk in a few weeks!

Solution to Annoying Problem?
Occasionally when I send a text message, I send it to the wrong person. There are two reasons why this might happen.
1. If I'm sending a message about somebody, I might accidentally send it to that person just because they're on my mind.
2. I'm in a hurry and two people are close together alphabetically.

The first is not so bad because I don't send unpleasant thoughts via text message. That's just good sense. It's usually something like "I'm observing Mabel's class today" and then Mabel is like, "Why are you referring to me in the 3rd person?" And then I realize that I've made a mistake.

The second is not really bad, either, because it should be obvious that I've made a mistake. And because, on my old phones, the "formal" (students, administration) list was separate from the "informal" list (colleagues, friends), so even if I made a mistake, it would have the right level of formality. On my current phone, they're all mixed together.

So the other day a text message for a colleague was accidentally sent to a student, and I thought, "great. Now our students are going to think that I'm barely literate," as I use a lot of abbreviations. Not great for my professional image, kind of embarrasing. Probably obvious that I had made a mistake.

Except! The message starts with "Hey, how is KZ?" KZ=Kizhi Island in the context of this message, but that doesn't matter here. What's important is that these are also said student's initials. Which means:
1. I am barely literate
2. I call my students by their initials
3. I refer to them in the third person

Points 2 and 3 make me seem unspeakably creepy!

This is my way of saying that my next phone had better let me make separate phone lists.

No accusations, just friendly crustaceans

2008-07-19T11:08:00.005+04:00

So, I made it home in one piece but haven't felt like answering any of the recent Friday Fives. Tomorrow I am going on a cruise to Alaska with my family. This is exciting because I get to go snorkelling for the first time ever.* Also, free food, a giant boat with a swimming pool and library, rainy weather, and opportunities to dress formally.

Coming home gives me an opportunity to see my family and friends, but also to catch up on movies and TV:

I saw Wall-E, which I liked for the first half and then really disliked due to its contempt for its audience (I don't often say this about movies). I also felt that they were putting forward a Lamarckian view of evolution, despite the fact that the society in the movie probably did not involve any natural selection whatsoever. The ending credits actually made up for the rest of the movie, though. First of all, they were nice to look at, but, more importantly, it was sort of like they were saying "but civilization produces some good things too!" Which I appreciated.

Pan's Labyrinth was really good, though it went over my head (here be spoilers):
"I was really shocked that they did that."
"Well, it worked out for her. It's not like she actually died."
"What?"
"Yeah, she got to go to the magical land where her parents were waiting for her."
"..."
"Have I taken this movie too literally? Because it would not be the first time."

Project Runway started on Wednesday. I think I hate Blayne, and not in a love-to-hate way. It's probably good that I'll be going home before the season really takes off.

I watched the entire first season of Mad Men in about three days and came to the conclusion that early-1960s America is like present-day Russia but with better clothes and hair (but not shoes).** I had a whole analysis of why this would be the case (essentially, it's that the characters in the show grew up during the depression, while the characters in Russia grew up during the beginning of the end of the Soviet Union). There is less smoking in Russia, but the amount of drinking is about right in certain circles. I also noticed that the characters on the show do not seem very religious compared to present-day America (which, again, is also true of present-day Russia), but maybe it just hasn't been a topic on the show yet. Anyway, the similarities were kind of creepy.

* I was asked to choose excursions, so the first thing I did is go down the list and cross out everything involving floatplanes, helicopters, and ziplines. Then I chose snorkelling and a tour of an abandoned mine. I only mention this because I'm watching my brother play Super Mario and remembering how much I suck at air worlds but am actually pretty good at underground worlds. I am consistent if nothing else.

** I once had a plan to invent a time machine and travel back to that era to go shopping and also hang out around optometrists' offices and pick up men. The physical impossibility of a) time travel and b) fitting into 1960s clothes did not deter me. This series totally did.

Once this seemed so appealing

2008-06-29T20:19:00.010+04:00

My allergies are making me suffer. And as much as I try to tell myself that allergies are just God's way of reminding us that our immune system is working, or that I have it pretty easy compared to all the people with food allergies, I am still feeling pretty sorry for myself.

Here's a Friday Five (more like a Sunday Ten, but whatever) to cheer me up:

Theme: International Travel
1. You have the summer and plenty of money to travel abroad. Where all would you go?
Okay, so this was actually a writing assignment for my Russian class, but we had to make a whole years' worth of plans. This is probably the only assignment I completed within a couple hours of its being assigned. I can't remember the exact plan, though it was something like this:

June - Australia, Tanzania, Zambia

July - Costa Rica, Peru, the Galapagos Islands

August - Kamchatka, Murmansk, Petrozavodsk, Arkhangelsk, maybe St. Petersburg

2. What foods would you be sure you got to eat?
Seeing as I've been to McDonald's in every country I've visited, I have to continue that tradition.

The countries on that list aren't exactly famous for their food. In Australia, I'd be sure to have Chinese and Indian food, both of which are hard to find and pretty expensive in Russia. I would also try kangaroo at least once.

I really know nothing about African food, but I do love ostrich meat, so that's probably what I'd eat.

I also don't know anything about food in Costa Rica or Peru, though in both cases I have heard that there is lots of seafood and it is awesome. So I'd buy a guidebook and eat what it told me to eat. I would also have to try Inca Kola, one of only two local soft drinks to outsell Coca-Cola anywhere in the world.

In Russia, well, I'd eat the same stuff that I do now (mostly cold soup, which sounds a lot sadder than it is).

3. What landmarks would you be sure you got to see?
In Australia, I'd mostly be visiting my friend, who lives near Melbourne, but I would also like to go to Tasmania to see some weird animals, Sydney to see the opera house, and somehow I'd learn to go SCUBA diving and see the Great Barrier Reef.

In Zambia, I would like to see Victoria Falls because they look really beautiful. In Tanzania, I would like to climb Mt. Kilmanjaro. Actually, I'd probably give up after the first day as I am afraid of heights, but it'd be worth a try what with the unlimited budget and all.

In Costa Rica and on the Galapagos islands, I would be all about the weird animals. In Peru, which is probably the place I am most interested in, I would visit lots and lots of archaeological sites. I would visit churches in both Costa Rica and Peru.

Kamchatka has interesting geology, Arkhangelsk and Murmansk are cities that I'm told you don't really need to spend more than a couple days in, and Petrozavodsk has Kizhi island, which is basically a museum of wooden architecture. I'd spend the rest of the time (assuming there is any) in St. Petersburg, visiting the Hermitage and the palaces and fortresses around the city.

4. What airline would you use?
Any one with a decent safety record. Since I'm short and average-weight, there's no reason whatsoever for me to be picky about airlines.

5. Would your knowledge of other languages influence where you went? (i.e. would you be more likely to go to France if you spoke French?)
From the list above, it looks like it would, but that's really just coincidence. Anywhere I went, I'd stick to cities and touristy places, at least until I got more comfortable, which would probably happen fastest in Australia (where I speak the language and look like everyone else) and slowest in Peru (where I don't).

The second set is about travel within the USA.

Theme: USA Road Trip
1. Who would you take with you on a road trip?
Somebody who can drive.

2. What states would you visit?
Good question. I would really like to visit Chicago (again), Boston, Philadelphia, Washington D.C. (again), Atlanta, and New Orleans. Those are cities rather than states. And I would go to Florida because I want to drive on that bridge that connects the Florida keys.

3. What national parks and/or monuments would you go see?
I want to see Carlsbad Caverns and Niagara Falls. I also want to go back to Lassen, Yellowstone, and Denali. This last would be a rather long drive.

4. Las Vegas: Overrated or a Must-See?
I seem like the type of person who would say overrated, but actually I think it's a total must-see.

5. How long would you be gone?
As long as it takes!

So it seems like this Friday Five was pretty much written for me, but actually it makes me kind of sad because I don't have the time, money, or driving ability to do any of this. Yet. I have a student who responds to half of what I say with "you sound like somebody who went from Vladivostok to Moscow by train." This has become my defining characteristic as far as that student is concerned.

What will actually cheer me up: going home in three days!

I'll kill myself if Portugal doesn't win

2008-06-22T16:59:00.001+04:00

The Russian team won a soccer match last night. Actually, it's kind of a bigger deal than that. The Russian team, which I'm told was in last place going in, beat the Dutch team in the quarterfinals of the European championship, sending Russia to the semifinals for the first time ever ("ever," by the way, is 17 years). I was watching this in a restaurant with a group of people. Nobody scored for a really long time, then both teams scored at the last minute, so the game went into overtime, during which Russia scored twice, for a 3-1 result. It was pretty exciting. One of my students was actually at the game, which must have been really exciting.

People on the streets last night were crazy, but in a peaceful way. I've been here twice for New Years' and I have never seen such excitement. Everybody was cheering. Some people had fireworks. I saw one guy who had climbed onto one of the WALK/DON'T WALK lights and was just sitting there waving his shirt. Like I said, crazy.

Naturally, I did not bring my camera.

Anyway, I'll do the first Friday Five in a long time (for some reason, I just forgot about it). But first I have a question of my own.

Why didn't anybody *tell* me that Viggo Mortensen was hot!?
a) "It always seemed like stating the obvious."
b) "I did. Several times. You said he needed a haircut."
c) "Did he show up somewhere wearing glasses?"
d) "He's not hot."
e) "If this is about 'Eastern Promises,' I am revoking your visa."

Okay, now on to the (kind of oddly phrased) Friday Five:
1) what is one thing about you that you hate?
One? I'm going to go with my lack of social skills here.

2) what is one thing about you that you love?
Trivia-brain!

3) if you had to change one thing about you what would it be and why?
I would be much, much better at dealing with people. I would never put my foot in my mouth or worry about doing so. I'd make eye contact with people, including but not limited to, attractive males. And I'd be able to manipulate people, but I'd use it for good rather than evil. Like somebody would tell me their problems and instead of saying "you really need to get over that" I could manipulate them into feeling better! And I'd be able to do that bitchy thing where you make fun of somebody but you do so so subtlely that they don't realize it until a few hours later, or they realize it but can't say anything because you're so subtle that they'd just come off as really defensive. That ability is like a hairdryer. I wouldn't ever use it, but it's weird to be a female without it.

4) what is one word that you would use to define yourself?
Polite.

5) imagine what you would look like in a perfect world...what do you look like?
In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to look any different. That said, I'd like to be able to change my appearance at will. I would mostly use this for changing the color of my nails without having to wait for the nail polish to dry.

Extended warranty? How could I lose!?

2008-06-20T23:23:00.007+04:00

So, I made it home in one piece but haven't felt like answering any of the recent Friday Fives. Tomorrow I am going on a cruise to Alaska with my family. This is exciting because I get to go snorkelling for the first time ever.* Also, free food, a giant boat with a swimming pool and library, rainy weather, and opportunities to dress formally.

Back when I did high school debate, we started the debate by defining our terms. For example, if the resolution is: "Civil disobedience is justified," you have to decide exactly what constitutes civil disobedience. Is it always peaceful or can it be violent? Can it include property damage? Refusal to pay taxes? Stockpiling weapons? You get the idea. Then you have to provide a definition of "justified" because, if you don't, your opponent will frame the debate in terms of legal justification and then you have already lost. (Unless the judge doesn't know what they're doing, which happened more often than not).

It occurred to me that things might be easier if I started doing this in other areas of life. So I present:

The List of Terms to Define Before Going on Vacation

1. "vacation" - relaxing? sightseeing? shopping? thinking about work the whole time?
2. "nice" - specifically: nice hotel, nice weather, nice dinner
3. "pack light"
4. "sleep in"
5. "walking distance"
6. "most people" and "speak English"
7. and, finally, "affordable" and "reasonable" These are two very different things!

I stopped the list there because I got distracted making this chart:

Reasonability is a function of value, so the better something is, the more you can charge for it. Things which are out of your price range (illuminated manuscripts, five-star accommodation, designer shoes) may still be reasonably priced for what they are. You just can't afford them. Reasonability comes into play at the lower end of the chart, too. Say you have $100 budgeted for a new pair of shoes. You see a pair of flip-flops for $70. They're well within your budget, but you're not going to buy them because $70 is simply not a reasonable price to pay for flip-flops.

When I first made the chart, affordability was a straight line going across, determined by your budget. But in reality, there's some distortion when the lines cross, creating what I like to call the "life is short" spike. This is when you talk yourself into spending a little bit more than you should because it seems like a unique opportunity. This explains things like green shoes, hard-to-find short story collections, or buying a first-class ticket because then you'll be able to say that you've travelled on all the classes of Russian trains. So some people are more affected by the "life is short" spike than others.

At the very high end, when you can no longer afford anything, you start to exaggerate just how much by. This is where you start saying things like "those boots are worth more than I make in a year" or "I'd have to sell my firstborn child before I could buy that car." Or, "and I still wouldn't be able to buy that car" if your firstborn child is likely to be a nearsighted photosensitive little thing with stupid allergies. So some people are more affected by the poverty exaggeration decline than others.

This post is kind of all over the place, but check out the graph I made.

Other stuff I need to do: take up smoking, line apartment with asbestos, sleep around lots

2008-06-18T14:49:00.004+04:00

So I'm back from Volgograd, but there's something else I need to get off my chest.

I have this issue every summer. Actually, I had this issue year-round growing up and I'm happy to be living in a place with actual seasons because I get nine months where I don't have to hear this.

"This" is: "You need a tan" or some variant thereof.

Is there a good response to this? I don't have a good response to this. I usually just say that I can't get one, which is true. Occasionally somebody will be enough of an idiot to argue, but all I can do is repeat myself.

What I'd like to say, though, is this:

"Thank you for your concern. Tell me what option you think is best:
First, I could lie in the sun like most people do. This will give me terrible burns but in a few weeks, after all the badly damaged skin has peeled off, I might be a little bit darker. As an added bonus, before long you'll be able to lecture me about how old I look.
Second, I could go to a tanning bed. This will most likely give me cancer, but at least we'll have a few good years between your lecture on how I need a tan and your lecture on how I need a wig.
Third, I could cover myself with chemicals that I don't really know the long-term effects of. But it's nice that I can rely on you to lecture me when they apply unevenly or turn me orange.
Or, finally, you could fuck off, mind your own business, and stop looking at me if it bothers you so much."

I had to get that off my chest. But I will never say that in real life. Politeness has nothing to do with it. It's that I basically have no self-confidence where this issue is concerned. If you want to completely ruin my day, maybe my week, point it out.

If you hate your arms, you wear long sleeves. If you hate your legs, wear long pants. If you hate your hips, wear a dark-colored A-line skirt. What do you do when you hate your skin? It's kinda everywhere. Move to Saudi Arabia or get over it, I guess. English teachers are pretty well-paid in Saudi Arabia.

Actually, one of my students (that one...sigh*) told me I had a beautiful complexion the week before last (yeah, I don't know, either). As that was the first and last time I'll ever hear that, I celebrated by going out for lunch. I ordered sushi and an Irish coffee. A couple days later, it occurred to me that that might be the whitest lunch ever. (I'm pretty sure I was wearing a scarf, too, as I am always wearing a scarf). But said student is seriously on my good side forever, even if that wasn't actually what he was trying to say.

* Yeah, I lost that argument when my contract hours increased for the summer. Though it was acknowledged that that facial expression is, indeed, creepy, and that I should never make it again, it was also pointed out that my contract hours were increasing and I never actually make eye contact with males I find attractive anyway. I could not refute either of those arguments, but it's only for a couple weeks, anyway.

I want it more than I can tell

2008-06-05T08:37:00.005+04:00

I am suddenly having an awful week. For one thing, it is six days long. Russia doesn't do "observed" holidays, so if an important holiday falls on a Thursday or Tuesday, you get the Friday or Monday off. Or, rather, the Friday or Monday is moved to a weekend day.

For example, June 12 (Thursday) is Independence Day (the day Russia adopted its constitution). This year, we get both June 12 and June 13 off, making a four-day weekend. But, to make up for this, everyone has to work on Saturday. I am using the four-day weekend to go to Volgograd (20-24 hours by train, so not really doable on a three-day weekend). I bought the tickets earlier in the week and everything has gone downhill ever since. But the effect of that is that I am happy to be having a mini-holiday soon. So I guess it all works out.

I saw "Enchanted" the other day. I loved the premise. I liked the first half. I began to hate it after I realized where they were going with it. As far as I can understand, the point of the film is that what men actually want is some hot, dumb, inappropriately dressed girl to clean up after them. This is sexist and depressing.

And it's not often that I find a movie sexist. In fact, the only movie I can remember saying that about was "Sin City."* Honestly, I never really found the Disney cartoons to be sexist. My generation's Disney cartoons, in particular, kind of went out of their way not to be. But even the older cartoons just don't seem sexist to me. "Sleeping Beauty," for example, has three male characters, none of whom get much screen time. The rest of the characters, including the good and evil fairies, who drive the story, are all female and all kind of varied, character-wise. Is it kind of silly that "Cinderella" (and most of the other ones, too) ends with her marrying the prince and living happily ever after even though they didn't meet all that long before? Yes, but it's certainly not sexist, since, you know, the prince is doing the exact same thing. "Beauty and the Beast" (my favorite one!) is interesting in that the main character doesn't really gain anything by being beautiful. In fact, it kind of causes more problems than it solves. There are not a lot of movies like that.

So it's kind of funny that "Enchanted" strikes me as way more sexist than the films it was making fun of. Kind of funny. Mostly sad. Definitely not a film I'd take a kid to see.

Anyway, I got tagged for a book meme over a month ago, but got distracted by work, Perm, Eurovision, and work.

The closest book is the same travel book again:

Since they take the most direct route between cities the savings in time can be considerable over slow trains and meandering buses. Typically you will find drivers offering this service outside bus terminals. Someone in your party must speak Russian to negotiate a price with the driver that typically works out to about R5 per kilometre.

I feel less bad about this now because my mother and my brother also had practical-sounding books.

I'd like to also do my mother's version of the same meme, but this is harder because all of my page 123s are so boring (she had a really good one, though I have no idea what it is). I've got two so far.

Too easy:

Speed.
More important than any of those things, however, was one final requirement.
Luck.

This one is funny to me because I'm pretty sure these are the least distinctive three sentences in this book:

Why did you do it, why? But I'll save you. I'll save you.

* And I take that back now. When I saw it, it bothered me that all the female characters were sex workers and/or victims. The more I think about it, though, the more I think that that's totally accurate for the environment of the film.

Can't stand no more

2008-05-29T22:28:00.004+04:00

Every summer, the hot water goes off for 2 to 4 weeks while workers prepare the pipes for winter. It happens at different times in different cities (or, if you live in a big enough city, different areas of the city). Russians cannot fathom a world in which this does not happen. But then they also don't have the concept of running out of hot water on a regular basis.

The hot water usually goes off in mid-July. I was planning to be long gone by that time this year. This year, the hot water went off on May 12. What's more, the central heating system in the flats depends on hot water (don't ask me to explain because I do not know) and it has been a very cold May until this week.

So that's why I haven't updated. I'm too busy heating pots of water on the stove every time I want to take a bath or wash the dishes.

The good news is, the hot water should be back any day now. I cannot wait.

The other good news is, Russia totally won Eurovision on Saturday. More importantly, Dima Bilan won Eurovision.

Dima Bilan is a popstar with a mullet. He is also ultra hot. Don't ask me to explain because I do not know. Anyway, he won the Eurovision with a very, very Eurovision song and performance:

That's Yevgeny Plushenko, just in case Russia's win wasn't already a foregone conclusion.

I must admit, I didn't care for the song. I much prefer the 2006 entry, which got second place:

He can't really dance. It adds to his charm. My coworkers performed this song (and dance!) for my birthday that year.

Anyway, last year I promised a treatise on Eurovision, which never came. That was before I found out about YouTube. YouTube and Wikipedia together will tell you everything you need to know about Eurovision. Particularly insane performances include: Litunania 2006, Ukraine 2007, and Latvia 2008. Songs I actually kinda liked: Bosnia and Herzegovina 2006, Sweden 2007, France 2007, Germany 2007 (I liked Eurovision 2007). Winners: Greece 2005, Finland 2006, Serbia 2007.

The awesome news is, because of Russia's win, Eurovision will be in Moscow next year. If I could afford tickets or stand crowds, I would so be there.

Now I try to be amused

2008-05-20T11:59:00.006+04:00

A few months ago, I decided that I'd wear flats more often. I travel around the city a lot for work, and I like to walk a lot, and wearing heels every day is not comfortable anymore. So I alternate, and when I go to a shoe store I head straight for the flats section because I am good and practical now. I am not, however, very interesting, as my four spring shoe purchases will show:

(Front to back: pointed-toe flat with buckle, pointed-toe flat with buckle, pointed-toe low-heel with buckle, reward for being so practical, also with buckle).

It wasn't until I saw them all together that I noticed that. In total, it makes 12 buckles on 4 pairs of shoes. Anyway, I offer this not to brag about how many shoes I have, or to get advice on where to find pointed-toe flats that don't have buckles, or to join the number of shoeblogs out there, or even because it helped me out, title-wise, but because it's the only explanation I have for the question that sets off the mother of all horrifying student conversations:

Me: [Saying something to the effect of America actually has a unique culture despite not being a very old country].
Student: Are all Americans Puritans like you?
M: I am not a Protestant.
S: [thinking]
M: But do you know what Calvinism is? It has a huge influence on American culture.
S: No, I want to ask: do all Americans believe in no sex outside family?
M: Oh my goodness, no!! That's just something we say about groups of people we don't--[at this point I get what he's asking and start laughing].
S: [Has the nerve to look annoyed by my lack of professionalism].
M: [Laughs some more because student has the nerve to look annoyed by my lack of professionalism]. You have *got* to rephrase that.
S: Yes, I can see that.

What makes it funny is how serious he was. Like it was a grammar question or something.

(And, according to this survey, the answer is 32%).

Drop another line like Decoto with the Kurds

2008-05-08T12:32:00.005+04:00

Because I am unable to go for three whole days without internet access, I am on an old computer in a crowded, inadequately air-conditioned post office. I complain, but it reminds me so much of last summer that I actually feel kind of happy.

The very least I can give you is a horrifying student conversation. This one also doubles as a nationality test. I asked the student about his work history:

S: When I was at university, I had a business selling chemical substances.
M: Really.
S: Yes, for people to clean their houses.
M: Ah. You should find another way to say that.
[in the end we settled on "household cleaners" and a great laugh was had by all]
S: And after that, I sold pirated DVDs.

Nationality test: Does that last line make the story any funnier? If so, you are probably American.

But I do what I can

2008-05-05T19:38:00.008+04:00

Tomorrow I am leaving for Perm, which is one of the cities I missed on my summer trip. There are ice caves nearby. They might be closed due to flooding (it's a nearby river, not extreme global warming), but I can't get any information on that. I will be horribly disappointed if they are, but I don't really have a choice about when my holidays are, and there is other stuff to see. I suppose I will find out.

It's 20.5 hours from Moscow to Perm, but I went to the Crimea on a 24-hour train a couple years ago, and from Khabarovsk to Ulan-Ude for 51 hours this summer. So I think I'll manage.

What this all means is that I'm going to be out of town for the inauguration on May 7 (in fact, I'm going to be on a train for most of May 7), when Dmitry Medvedev will be sworn in as the President of Russia. With the help of an endorsement from Putin, Medvedev won the election back in March with 70% of the vote, meaning that there were other candidates, too.

I pay attention to politics, but I don't worry much about Russian politics (I learned my lesson worrying about American politics, so I'm not about to start with a new country) as long as I can still have a visa. On an entirely superficial level, though, I am going to miss Putin, at least until he becomes Prime Minister. This is because, like a lot of women in Russia, I have a huge crush on him. That's wrong on a few levels (morally, politically, half-plus-sevenly until 2026), but what can you do?

Anyway, back in 2004 when I was taking a class about Russian politics I read somewhere that there was a pop song about him. This made me feel less weird. By the time I came to Russia, it wasn't very popular anymore, though I heard it a couple times.

It wasn't until today, thanks to YouTube, that I learned that there is an English (sort of) version, which I am posting here. I have no idea why there exists an English version of this song. But could there be a more appropriate song for this moment in history? Probably, but you know I'm kind of lazy.

Other stuff about Putin: Like me, he is right-handed but wears his watch on his right hand. Unlike me, he is the President of Russia. He has also visited Zelenograd, but it was a business visit, so I didn't see him, and he wasn't giving autographs. I did, however, get to see the conference room where the meeting was held (one of my colleagues actually teaches in there. So unfair!)

When I get back Russia will have a new president and I'll do the book memes (the only book nearby right now is a travel book. Page 123 has some advice on taking taxis), post pictures from the holiday and a couple of horrifying student conversations.

Avoiding the mirror

2008-04-29T00:32:00.002+04:00

Not much going on in my life, though I did accidentally agree to marry one of my students (and not the one you'd think). I was trying to explain the difference between a proposal and a suggestion:
Me: So give me an example of a proposal.
Student: Will you marry me?
M: Yes. And a sug--
...
M: No!

I also got new glasses. A few weeks ago, a coworker of mine was trying to make me feel bad about wearing such thick glasses because, apparently, she is eight years old. Feeling bad about wearing glasses is so far outside my frame (hee!) of reference that I didn't even realize what she was trying to do until a couple hours later. What's the comeback to that, anyway?

I didn't have one, so, as you can see, I went out and purchased me some aggressively nerdy glasses. Now I can alternate between these ones and my old ones, depending on what matches my outfit more closely. Is that weird? I also bought my first pair of prescription sunglasses, which are not ready yet. That made me feel a bit old, but I really need them. Sadly, my head is too small for fasionable (read: giant) sunglasses. It has to do with centering the lenses or something like that. Something tells me I could get what I wanted if I spent a lot, but I'm not rich and don't bother trying to look nice when the sun is out anyway. Oh well.

If you're wondering why my face looks so weird in that picture, it's not the glasses. I was anticipating an argument in which I'd need that facial expression, found that I was incapable of making eyes at myself in the mirror, tried making eyes at the wall and then stepping in front of the mirror but couldn't hold the expression, and then, finally, remembered that I have a digital camera. In the end, there wasn't an argument, but I did get a picture of my new glasses (also note new dress).

The argument that never actually happened was about a good-looking guy who I didn't want to teach. I figured it would go something like this:
Me: He doesn't want to learn English! He just wants to pay some American girl to spend a few hours a week looking at him like this [makes now-perfected moony-eyed expression]
My boss: I think we should pay you never to make that face ever again.
Me: And also could I not teach this guy?
My boss: It's a deal!

It turns out that I wasn't going to have to teach that guy anyway. But that's why the picture looks funny. I was also anticipating an argument in which I'd need to not have any eyebrows.

Normal shoe weather is upon us!

2008-04-07T01:09:00.008+04:00

Actually, it's that time of year when it's cold enough to wear boots but warm enough to wear normal shoes. In other words, it's the best time of year, shoe-wise.

It's still too cold to justify open-toed shoes. Unless you're from California:

But if I were actually in California, I'd be standing next to a girl wearing a sundress and uggs accompanied by a guy wearing shorts, a sweatshirt, and hiking boots.

Anyway, this picture is from last week, when we went to the Bolshoi to see "Nabucco" by Verdi. We had a choice between ballet and opera but chose the opera because the plot sounded more interesting.

I also worry that, having grown up on Mark Morris, I'd be confused and frightened by a more traditional ballet. (I've heard, for example, that male characters are never played by females and vice-versa. And that they're all really, really thin). Obviously, I'd respond by giggling inappropriately.

This time I was worried because I did not like the first opera I saw there ("Eugene Onegin" by Tchaikovsky) at all.*

I liked this one a lot, though. The music and acting were good enough to draw me in despite the fact that I don't understand Italian or Russian. That's about all I can say, since I know very little about music in general or opera in particular.

I did love the set design. It was simple but not. You can kind of see it in this photo I took during the curtain call:

See how simple? The walls on the side with all the Hebrew writing rotate. There's Cuneiform on the other side. The walls would change position depending on where the action was supposed to be taking place. The stairs at the back represent the temple, and the idol, which was a tower in this production, is projected onto the screen behind the stairs. The props were also made out of either Hebrew letters (shields) or stylus marks (swords, furniture, a prison).

When I say that we went to the Bolshoi, I don't mean the famous theatre. That's the Main Bolshoi, and it's being rennovated (I was there in 2005, about a month before the rennovations started. The curtain was very old-looking and had U.S.S.R. symbols woven into it). We went to the New Bolshoi, which is much smaller (some people call it the "Malenki Bolshoi," which translates to "Small Big").

It is also worth noting that I got to wear the dress that I had made in China.

Because I forgot that we were in Russia, I explained that you can't bring food or drinks into the theatre. I also banned jeans and unflattering haircuts. I was quite scandalized to see the be-mulleted, jeans-wearing young people a couple seats down pull out bags of potato chips and bottles of coke during intermission. And then I remembered that we were in Russia. They also stopped eating at the end of intermission and were totally quiet during the performance, so I couldn't really complain.

* I know this isn't relevant to the post, but I have to get this off my chest: Why did they change "duel" to "struggle during which gun accidentally goes off?!?" Why does Tatiana knock over the table? Why does the protagonist show up waving a gun around at the end? Why did I feel like both the composer and the producers (mostly the producers, I'm told) should have adapted something by Dostoevsky and left poor Pushkin alone?

I will be needing to get off in four minutes

2008-03-19T23:27:00.002+03:00

One of the things students have the most trouble with is the phrasal verb.

A phrasal verb consists of a verb and a preposition, which together have a meaning that is not necessarily related to either the verb or the preposition.

Consider the verb "pick" and object "nose":
When I was young, I used to pick my nose.
When I was young, the other kids used to pick on my nose.
When I turned 18, I picked out a new one.
After the surgery, I couldn't stop picking at it.

Students, understandably, hate phrasal verbs. They point out that a lot of phrasal verbs could be replaced with other, more specific, verbs. For example:
When I was young, the other kids used to mock my nose.
When I turned 18, I selected a new one.

I just tell them that, if they want to sound like Dr. Evil, that's their business, but they still have to understand other people when they speak.

To keep this post reasonably short, I won't even get into the grammar rules* (Does the object go before or after the preposition? Nobody knows!). Just take my word for it that they are ultra difficult.

As if all that weren't bad enough, the same phrasal verb can have a number of different meanings:

Ivan Yakovlevich picked up the nose and went to the bridge to throw it away.
Major Kovalev watched as a government carriage picked up his nose and drove it to the next house.
He was distressed because, without a nose, he was unable to pick up women.
The police picked up the nose on its way to Riga.
Soon the whole city had picked up the story.
I haven't picked up enough Russian to read the original.
The professor berated her students for not picking up on the real meaning of the story.

(And I wonder why nobody picks up when I call).

Even without reading the footnote, you can see why students would find these confusing. But, as the following two conversations, which happened about a week apart, demonstrate, native speakers also have trouble with phrasal verbs:

A: One of my students picked me up today.
B: They know where you live? Or was it from here?
A: No, I mean he literally picked me up.
B: You mean tried to, right? Please tell me that your student just tried to pick you up and failed because you have a boyfriend and--
A: NO! I mean literally picked me up like [picks up book to demonstrate]
B: Ohh! That's weird.
A: I thought so, but it seems a lot less weird now.

A: Yeah, that doctor is creepy.
C: Why creepy?
A: I think he tried to pick me up.
C: Maybe he just needed to see how much you weigh. Was he prescribing anything?
A: That is so not what I meant. I mean pick up like ask out. He tried to pick up [translator], too.
C: Well, if you had just started with that.

And, for the record, I don't know why I thought that pick up even had a literal meaning.

* Oh, who am I kidding?
Most phrasal verbs fall into one of three categories:

1. Phrasal verbs with no direct object. For Example:
George ran away.
The house fell over.

Simple, right?

2. Inseparable phrasal verbs, in which the verb and preposition are always together. For example:
Michael looked for the documents.
Wine turns into alcohol if you let it sit.

Phrasal verbs with two prepositions are almost always in this category.
The family ran out of money.
Michael came up with a plan.

But that's still pretty simple, isn't it?

3. Most phrasal verbs are separable phrasal verbs, which means that the object can be either before or after the preposition with no change in meaning. For example:
Franklin played the recording back.
OR
Franklin played back the recording.

The problem: If your phrasal verb is separable and your object is a pronoun, the object MUST be before the preposition:
The recording surprised everyone when Franklin played it back.
(Native speakers: just try putting the object after the preposition. You can't! You will choke on the words! Your fingers will refuse to type!)

And the separable/inseparable divide has nothing to do with meaning, spelling, or anything, really. You just have to memorize it. If you're a native speaker, you already have. Good job!

If you're not, allow me to apologize on behalf of the English language. Next week: idioms!

Horrifying student conversations II

2008-02-28T01:13:00.007+03:00

"Regular feature" wasn't supposed to mean "only feature," but, as you can see, it's already Wednesday.

My students were doing a speaking test from the book:

A: How much can you tell about somebody from their appearance?
B: hmm... Thirty-five percent.
[At this point, I start laughing and cannot stop.]

A: [Student B], can you please give me an answer that involves some grammar?
[This only makes it worse]
C: Don't cry, Marin!

This was followed by Student B's explanation that he first wanted to say 45% but then decided that was too high, but he decided 10% was too low, so he chose something in the middle. To which I replied, "but...that would be 27.5%."

And yet I wonder why my students end up sounding like such nerds.

In other news, after a cold snap last week, the snow has begun the process of melting and refreezing and just being icky that heralds the arrival of spring. In a mere matter of weeks, I'll be able to wear non-boot shoes again (I love all my boots very much, but I get kind of tired of them around this time of year)!

If you break down the 35% further (how is it that I haven't already done that?), you'll find that "cute shoes" make up a substantial part of it.

Horrifying student conversations I

2008-02-20T23:04:00.003+03:00

This is likely to become a regular feature. It practically is already, but now it gets it's own title.

Taken out of context:

Student: My wife was ill.
Me: Oh, thank goodness!

Context added:

M: How was your weekend?
S: It wasn't very good. I had a small problem.
M: I'm sorry to hear that.
S: Yes, my wife was kill.
[me, looking horrified by a) that last line, b) the fact that he described it as a "small problem" and c) that he was at work at all that day]
S: Wait...no...my wife was ill.
M: Oh, thank goodness!

I'll throw myself out, thank you

2008-02-04T21:54:00.000+03:00

This post is about my new hat (see right). Also, dirty movies (supposedly with hats)!

This particular hat was purchased to go with my new winter coat. There would be a picture of the coat, too, if I had longer arms. Instead you get a picture of the coat collar. But mostly I just want to show off that, in addition to being stripey, my new hat has a bow on the side.

Not everybody likes the hat. My boyfriend was wondering why I bought "an old lady hat," and my boss, more tactfully, said "if I saw you on the bus, I would give up my seat."

I'm pro-hat, which is easy for me as my natural hair already looks like hat hair anyway. Actually, I'm going to try to wear hats and gloves every day this year. It annoys me that that's considered weird. I appreciate that we don't have to wear hats and gloves every time we go outside. What I don't like is that we're basically not allowed to without coming off as eccentric.

As a foreigner in Russia, I'm automatically eccentric, so that's fine. But, if I went back to America, the hat-and-glove thing would not go over. But, years ago, it would have been really, really weird not to wear them. So what happened?

Someday I'm going to totter around in my hat and gloves and reinforced-toe nylons* impressing people by telling them that I'm from the 20th century, "back when women were ladies." Yes, I am totally going to use that phrase. Totally. But I don't think I can get away with it just yet. I mean, I hope I can't. But someday...

Today, however, I write about dirty movies (and also hats)! My boyfriend has satellite TV, which includes a subscription to this block of movie channels. About half of the movies they show are in English, which I appreciate.

I was channel-surfing the other day while he was in the other room getting actual work done and I stopped on a scene of Courtney Love and some guy going riding-crop shopping. I'm not creepy (not pervy-creepy anyway), but I had to know what movie would be dumb enough to have a riding-crop salesman look so shocked that one of his customers might be buying a riding-crop for sexual purposes.

In the very next scene, my question was answered with the strains of "You Can Leave Your Hat On," which made me think:
1. Hey, this is a really famous movie scene!
2. Either this is a takeoff or screwed-up Kim Basinger looks a lot like cleaned-up Courtney Love.**
3. She has NO HAT!

Apparently, I said this last one out loud because my boyfriend had to know why I was angrily berating his beloved TV. This was embarassing:
M: Oh, because this woman is stripping and she's not wearing a hat.
D: What?
M: It's a really famous scene, but it's just stupid if she's not even wearing a hat. Though she is wearing a slip. Why don't women wear slips anymore?
D: Why are you watching dirty movies on my TV?!
M: Well, I was flipping through channels and I just had to know...you know what? Never mind.

* Fun fact: in other countries, these are called tights, but I always think of tights as patterned or opaque. I also hear Americans calling them pantyhose, which is just too much information.
** I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I'm good with names and terrible with faces.

Sooner them than me

2008-01-29T01:14:00.000+03:00

I had (am having?) a bad couple weeks, as is customary for this time of year (thus, shopping immunity week). To start with, there were cockroaches in my apartment. Better cockroaches than ants, mice, poltergeists, pretty much anything, really, but, still, ew. Of course, I immediately called my boyfriend:
Dmitry: You could do nothing and they might go away, or you could buy some powder and sprinkle it on the floor and then go to sleep. The next morning, all the cockroaches will be on the ceiling and you can stand on a chair and vaccuum them up.
Me: What?! Why don't you have me drive a serial killer to a crowded supermarket that only sells ants? And also the serial killer is a giant ant. And I'd be wearing capri pants. And then I can go sunbathing. And then I'd come home and eat a big bowl of ketchup and apply for jobs where people die if I make mistakes.
Dmitry: It's what we did in the Soviet Union.
Me: You had ketchup in the Soviet Union?
In the end I opted for traps, and now they seem to be gone. But that was just the beginning.

Following that incident, there was a week where I managed to put my foot in my mouth every single time I tried to have a non-work-related conversation (this is a high frequency, even for me). By Wednesday I had decided that non-work-related conversations were overrated and that I would never speak ever again.

But there was a party on Thursday. You know what totally does not keep your foot out of your mouth? Champagne!

A few days later, I fell on the ice and hit my head on a parked car. That hurt.

Then at one company I almost just walked into some random office because I was too busy observing this good-looking guy to see if he was checking me out. You might argue that I was, in fact, checking him out, but really I was just observing (Conclusion: he was either checking me out or wondering where I was going. Also, my security pass doesn't let me just walk into any office).

And then I fell again. Stupid ice.

I also argued with a bunch of people, which is the result you might expect from constantly saying the exact wrong thing in every conversation. Sigh...

But enough about me. Instead I will write about how stereotypes about Russia are at least partly true. Recent conversations to demonstrate this:

Talking with some students about the recent outlawing of cigarette and alcohol commercials:
Student: And we can't drink on the street anymore.
Me: But hasn't that always been illegal? I mean technically.
Student: No, not at all. When I was a child, I could drink anywhere.

Practicing personality adjectives with another student, I asked him what kind of character was needed to do his job (he has a pretty important job):
Student: Hard-working, well-educated, good at math, umm...ambitious, umm... ...
Me [looking for "ethical"]: Is it important to follow the law?
Student: ... ...
Me: Stop thinking!

This one is just scary:
Dmitry: What is wrong with your politicians? Don't they know it's not the cold war yet?

But not all stereotypes are true, as you can see from this conversation between teachers that I heard*:
A: ...but positive stereotyping only leads to disappointment. Like before I came to Russia I thought the country would be full of chess players.
B: Chess players?
A: Yeah, I have a thing about chess players.
C: Thing about or thing for?
A: Thank you for correcting my collocation. *Anyway,* I thought the country would be full of these guys who play chess and have conservative but slightly messy hair and didn't like the Soviet Union but feel disillusioned with the current political situation. Also, they'd read Dostoevsky and wear unfasionable sweaters.
C: Well, that's very specific. And this is a positive stereotype?
A: Of course. And you know what?
B: Umm, I know that Russia is full of guys like that.
A: Yes, but they are all the same age as my parents! So you shouldn't stereotype.
C: Are you sure that was your main problem?

Usually I'd find a way to connect the next topic to the previous one, but it's Monday and I'm tired, so, in completely unrelated news, I went to the bookstore over the weekend. I had to for work, but instead of going to the crowded bookstore which I hate but which would definitely have the book I needed and in which I would not be even slighly tempted to browse, I went to the small, quiet bookstore which might have had the book I needed (it did, fortunately) and in which I knew I would spend a lot of money. And then I proceeded to spend a lot of money.

Sigh...maybe the next post will be less nerdy.

* Technically true.

Sometimes it's not so easy

2008-01-18T12:18:00.000+03:00

I'm going to write about Russian New Year, but there are pictures to go through. There are so many things I would have written about (my entire summer, for instance) if I didn't dislike working with pictures so much. I wouldn't dislike working with pictures so much if I weren't such a perfectionist. Anyway, Russian New Year has way fewer pictures than circumnavigation summer, so perhaps I'll get to it this weekend.

I've mentioned the half plus seven rule here before, but I had assumed that it was well-known, at least among Americans. This turns out not to be true. In fact, most people I've told think that I made it up, which makes me wonder how they go about deciding who is too old or too young for them.*

In an attempt to prove that this rule is, if not universal, at least very, very well-known, I did a google search for "half plus seven." The first hit was from Urban Dictionary, but their tone annoys me (and, from the look of it, they don't realize that the formula is reversible**), so I didn't click there.

The second hit was from somebody's blog. "Hooray," I thought, "I am vindicated!" Not only does she mention the rule in a post title, but she doesn't explain it at all in the post, implying that the rule is so well-known that it doesn't need an explanation. Except that, if you look at her profile, you see that the blogger in question is actually a software engineer from the Bay Area, thus totally not proving anything. (The comic I linked to before, though not from the Bay Area, was written by a programmer).

It is also mentioned on wikipedia (which is where I got that chart from).

Sometimes when I tell people about this rule, they object to one end or the other of their age range. "But I don't WANT to date a 40-year-old," they say. So, in addition to explaining the formula, it is also worth it to explain that it's just a range, not a requirement. You can (and probably should) focus on a narrower age range. You just can't widen it without people finding you creepy.

And while we're on the subject (sort of), I've just read on a TEFL site that in Japan they no longer refer to unmarried 25-year-olds as "Christmas cake" (because nobody wants it after the 25th). I haven't been to Japan, but I'm guessing that this is a good thing. But, speaking as an unmarried 25-or-thereabouts-year-old*** (and linguistics person, which might be more relevant here), I am kind of sad to see this term disappear. I certainly preferred it to old maid (or the Russian equivalent, старая дева, which is just a direct translation).

* Don't tell me they can use their own judgement. Have you met people?
** This made me wonder if all formulae are reversible or if there's such a thing as an irreversible formula. Naturally, I turned to google again. If you understand this, can you please explain it to me?
*** My age has gone back to being shrouded in mystery. It rounds to 30, in any case.

The wires suspending my disbelief are overtaxed*

2008-01-10T15:26:00.000+03:00

Yes, I'm still alive. Though I was home sick for a few days, and I missed the company picnic. Feel sorry for me. Not too sorry, though. Being home sick means I get to watch movies and read and just generally be lazy. The weather has been unpleasant anyway, so it's not like I'm missing going outside or anything.

Like (I think) most people, when it comes to movies, my taste in good movies is diverse, but my taste in bad-to-mediocre movies is very very predictable. I present the following examples:

1. Thrillers!
hero: There is a CONSPIRACY and if we don't find out who's at the bottom of it, more people will DIE/the government will COLLAPSE/the government will NOT COLLAPSE.
me: I wonder what's going to happen next!
[some people die]
hero: The kindly-seeming old person was behind it ALL!
me: What a clever plot twist! This is the best movie ever made.

2. Drama!
protagonist: I must solve this problem/get revenge/buy the perfect handbag
other character: Watch out, for your obsessions will one day destroy you!
me: Wow, he sure is obsessed.
[some stuff happens]
protagonist: What happened? Now I have been destroyed!
other character: Yes. By your obsessions.
me: We should all take heed.

3. Romance!
romantic lead 1: I like being alone! Alone! Aloney-aloney-alone!
animated animal/household item/hamburger: Oh, protagonist...could it be that you are AFRAID to LOVE?
me: That's stupid.
romantic lead 1: That's stupid.
romantic lead 2: Yeah, that's really stupid.
[some pop culture references]
romantic lead 1: So, it turns out that I was, in fact, afraid to love.
romantic lead 2: Me, too. Let's get married.
romantic lead 1: Yes, let's.
me: *sniff*...it's so beautiful!

The point I am trying to make is, if I say I like a movie, don't take that as a sign that you should run right out and see it.

When I was home sick, I caught two movies. One I liked, and one I was pretty neutral about.

I really liked The Prestige, which is about two rival magicians. I liked it more after I was able to tell the Edward Norton-looking character apart from the Hugh Jackman-looking character.** Anyway, I found it fascinating. So much so that I liked it in spite of its use of a real historical figure (Tesla) to drive the plot along (I HATE it when movies do this. This is why I disliked Shakespeare in Love). The plot twists aren't hard to figure out, but it's definitely worth seeing. If you're me. And probably some other people, too.

I was neutral on Happy Feet. Penguins are adorable, and I was happy that [spoiler alert!] it all ended happily, but I found it creepy that the female penguins have breasts. Also, the fact that they were singing mildly sexual pop songs. Penguins do not have sex! And if you're going to give some of your penguins stereotypical Spanish accents, could you at least try to make a plot about how they're Chilean or something?

But, more than that, it just left me confused. After Finding Nemo, I was waiting for the fish to speak up about how they don't want the humans OR the penguins to eat them. But they never did. And since when are killer whales predators? I thought they just wanted freedom. After my initial confusion, though, I was inspired. Now I'm working on a script about a plucky little diatom who teaches the plankton to swim against the current. And then everything on Earth dies. It's an adventure/comedy.

* Not to mention that I only just now realized that that's not what "suspend" means in that context. And I teach this language.
** It didn't take me long, but longer than it should have, since the "Edward Norton-looking character" was played by Hugh Jackman, and the "Hugh Jackman-looking character" was played by Christian Bale. This does not spoil any of the plot. They're not supposed to look alike. They don't look alike. I just have problems telling movie characters apart sometimes. In fact, had this problem all through March of the Penguins.

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-24T20:34:00.000+03:00

Merry Christmas everybody! It's not Christmas here in Russia (they have it on the 7th of January, and it's not a very big deal. New Years' is a much much bigger deal), but I'm taking the day off work tomorrow anyway because it seems wrong to work on Christmas.

So I ended up going to the microchip factory after all. It turns out that my student is the deputy CEO, so I was able to get past security. Anyway, the microchip factory was really really neat, and I don't think I came across as too incompetent. It was interesting, even if they didn't give me free microchips or make me the heir to the company after the other people on my tour died as a result of their own greed or laziness. You can't have everything.

I discovered a nerd game the other day. What you do is, you take a number and assume that the highest digit indicates the base of that number. For example, if your number is 352, the highest digit is 5, so you assume that you're working in base-6. The number 1101 would be binary because the highest digit is 1. Then you see how quickly you can convert the number to base-10. Once you know the rule, it's just a matter of multiplying really big numbers in your head, but it passes the time on long bus rides. If you're better at math than me, you don't have to convert it to base-10. You could also use bigger numbers. I use license plates and addresses, so I'm never working with more than four digits here.

When I tried to teach this game to another teacher, I got caught up explaining that there are bases other than 10. It turns out that that is not common knowledge. On the other hand, when I taught my boyfriend this game, I learned that he has all the powers of two up to the 20th memorized. I occupy some sort of wacky middle ground between not knowing about numbers and being a hopeless nerd about them, which I suppose is fitting if you teach English in the "Silicon Valley of Russia."

Why don't my students ever want to learn about shoes?

2007-12-14T20:12:00.000+03:00

One of my students has decided that we're going on a field trip to the microchip factory, where I will tell him how to describe everything in English. Really. Having never been to a microchip factory before, I'm kind of excited about this, assuming they let me through security. I am half-hoping that they do not let me through security, however, as this is likely to be my most impressive display of incompetence to date. And, considering that I've spent three years in a country where I don't even speak the language, that's saying something.

The funny part is that it would probably be about a million times easier for me to label a schematic than to explain things in actual factory. Also, quieter. Also, almost certainly illegal.

Speaking of stuff I'm not very good at, I'm going to a party tomorrow because I bought a pair of shoes for it. Well, I'm going to the party because it's a work thing and I ought to go. I bought the pair of shoes because I knew that they would motivate me to go.

Last month I bought white stockings and bluish shoes as a reward for being sociable. And also because I had been looking for bluish shoes for a couple years. And that probably requires some explanation:

I once read a book where a pair of boots was described in such detail that I decided that, if I ever saw such shoes, I would buy them immediately. Actually, they were brown boots with blue stitching, and I'd probably buy such shoes without the literary reference, as I have a thing about contrast stitching. Anyway, I have yet to find the exact shoes described.

But that's not really the point. The point is that this gave me the idea of acquiring, or keeping an eye out for, every pair of shoes I have ever read about.

This was going okay for a while, as nobody writes very much about shoes. I had to admit that I was never, ever going to find stiletto stilettos (A Series of Unfortunate Events), which is probably for the best. Wizard of Oz shoes are easy to find, but I wasn't going to pay very much for them, so I had to wait a bit (thank you, China). And then I was reminded that the shoes from the book are silver, not red, so what I have are movie shoes, not book shoes. But then again I already had silver shoes.

I was utterly, hopelessly, defeated by the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, though. I was doing fine at the beginning of the series, before the shoe-obsessed assistant detective has much money, but the latest books have her in a much better financial situation, and I had to admit that I simply couldn't keep up. Not to mention that that series takes place in Botswana, while I live in a country with six months of snow. I was caught between abandoning my original idea which was, admittedly, silly, or simply ignoring that series for the time being. I chose not to abandon my original idea because I like buying shoes.

Anyway, white stockings and bluish shoes are from The Luzhin Defense. Nobody has recognized that yet (I'll be pretty amazed if anyone ever does), but I consider this to be quite a successful acquisition, as people often ask me whether the shoes are blue or gray or green, which means they're definitely bluish. They were also very discounted (perhaps nobody knew what to match them with?) and have good traction. I must admit that white is not a particularly flattering color for tights, but I like the fact that my leg-pastiness can be voluntary for once in my life.

And while I'm on the subject of questionable fashion choices, there are few things more distressing than realizing that you have the same hairstyle as one of your students if said student is a 50-year-old man. I spend entire lessons just wanting to say, "look, pal, I'm sure everyone's impressed by your shiny, voluminous, auburn hair, but one of us needs to get a haircut, and it is not going to be me."

Life seems so much slower

2007-11-21T00:49:00.000+03:00

Last week I had more free time than usual, which, for some reason, I spent watching movies. This led to three realizations.

The first is that I miss having time to watch movies, so I'm going to start working a little less.

The second is that my boyfriend and I totally deserve each other.

While watching "Revenge of the Sith" (the first time I had seen it in English, actually), on finding out, moments before they're born, that Padme is going to have twins:
A: You think she would have seen a doctor.
B: What's WRONG with you?
A: Well, she's a senator. It's not like she doesn't have insurance. And couldn't the robots just do a scan or something? Why wouldn't she see a doctor?
B: WHY are you talking about "Star Wars" characters like they're real people?

Two days later, we were watching "Meet Joe Black," in which the two main characters hook up:
B: Are they going to sleep together?
A: It sure looks like it.
B: But they have just met. Are they even using contraceptives?
A: Maybe she'll get pregnant and it'll be part of the plot.
B: But that's SO irresponsible. Who does that?!
A: What's WRONG with you?

The third is that "The Piano" is a dreadful film. There are spoilers below, but who cares?

You might wonder why I was watching this movie in the first place, as it is not really my type of movie, critically acclaimed or not. It has to do with the fact that I was in middle school when it came out, which means that I was vaguely aware of its existence and knew that it was a controversial film. It also means that a handful of my contemporaries had parents who believed them to be old enough to see this film, which led to schoolyard conversations like this:

Classmate: I saw a movie with NAKED PEOPLE.
Everyone else: Tell us more! Tell us more!
C: They were DOING IT.
E: EWW!
C: It was ARTISTIC and BEAUTIFUL and if you're going to be so immature, I'm not going to tell you anything more.
E: Noooo! We'll be mature! Promise!

And that is why, in addition to not watching movies, my kids will be forbidden to attend school.

Naturally, I was intrigued, and this registered itself in the back of my little middle-school brain, not to the point that I ran right out and rented this movie as soon as I turned 18, but enough that, when I caught the beginning of it on TV, I thought, "I gotta see this."

The one good thing I can say is that Paquin did, in fact, deserve her Oscar. But, as for the rest of the film, I couldn't figure out how it got made. All that kept running through my head was that, somewhere, at some point, some executive decided that this film had artistic and/or market value. And based on what?

To start with, it's depressing. That's not enough for me to say it's a bad movie, but it isn't anything other than depressing. It's just depressing. Until the last five minutes or whatever, it exists solely for the purpose of being depressing. It's so depressing that, when you get to the big emotional scenes, you don't really care because, meh, we're all going to die and the world is running out of oil anyway.

Second, and this might just be me, I really hate it when love stories begin with prostitution.* I mean, if you're trying to make a comment about the transactional nature of all human relationships, then have at it, but if you're trying to do something that the audience will approve of, or even cry at the end of, try having your characters meet at a coffee shop or something.

What bothered me most about the movie, even more than all the gratuitous nudity, was that the major plot point relies on a misdirected love note. Why would you send a love note to a man who can't read? I mean, unless you needed some plot device so that your husband could act completely out of character, thus proving that he is not only wrong for you but also evil and therefore any adultery is totally justified.

And, finally (not, mind you, because this was the last thing I disliked about the film, but because I'm running out of synonyms for "terrible"), the ending felt really tacked-on. Was that really how the film was supposed to end, or was that some attempt at increasing market value? I actually knew how the film ended, because I remember my mother talking about it. I'm pretty sure it was in the context of her having been as annoyed with the film as I was.** She might be able to confirm that.

The lesson here is that naked people do not a good film make, even if they are doing it. And also not to take movie recommendations from your middle school classmates.

It does feel good to get all that off my chest, though. The nice thing about having a blog is that everyone within a 100-meter radius of me is spared from hearing about how much this movie sucked.

* - The other day, one of my students referred to "the great American film, 'Pretty Woman.'" This made me want to shout "we made 'Casablanca!'" and run out of the room in tears.

** - I'm scaling this to her disposition. On an absolute scale of annoyance, few people are even capable of getting as annoyed with stuff as I do.

55 hours aggregate

2007-11-03T00:55:00.000+03:00

I ended up having a pretty good birthday, in that I got a coffee maker and some cake. I should be able to reply to e-mails individually this weekend (it's a three-day weekend here in Russia). The hijacked birthday-Halloween party was nice, too. And now I'm a square!

The other day I was telling one of my classes what it means to write something off. I was explaining that, fascinatingly, it has nothing to do with writing.

The example I gave was: I wanted to marry Dima Bilan, but he never returned my calls, so I wrote him off.
A couple students were still convinced that this phrasal verb must have something to do with actual writing: So if you have a list of men to marry, and Dima Bilan is on this list, and then you write him off [gesture to indicate crossing something out]?
Me, acting appalled: Why would I have a list?! What kind of person makes lists about such things?!
Other student: Sorry, Marin. We are programmers.

My students found my reaction funny, so hopefully they'll remember that write off != cross out. But when I repeated this story to another teacher, she just pointed out that: either my students know me better than I would like them to, or I should go into programming when I'm done teaching.

And while we're on the subject of marriage, I think I'm going to refuse to teach rich people from now on because if I have to have this conversation with one more student, I just might shoot myself:
Me, being polite: How long have you been married?
Student: To which one?

Russians are not very good with present perfect tense. Or, apparently, marriage. Or not telling me more than I want to know about their personal lives.

Some students take this to even greater extremes, like when I was trying to teach one of my students empathy. (The word, not the concept. That would be like the synaesthetic leading the blind).
Student: [brings up ex-wife for some reason]
Me: And so I say "I'm sorry," to express sympathy, but not empathy because...
Student: Why are you sorry?
M: About your divorce. I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. That's what we say when somebody gets divorced.
S: About which one?

This week I also learned:
1. That my hair looks fine if I actually bother to style it (imagine that!)
2. That I cannot resist green boots on sale (I didn't learn this one so much as prove it).
3. What a blivet is.
4. That "internet" is capitalized in Russian.
5. That Willem Dafoe was really, impossibly, hot in 1988. Seriously. I saw a movie of his and I didn't even recognize him.

But it'll still be two days

2007-10-24T23:43:00.000+04:00

After work last Saturday I went to the bookstore (I just meant to show one of the new teachers where it was! Honest!) and walked out with a bunch of short story collections because I have too much work to be able to commit to a novel right now. I also have no self-control.

Last week I learned that I can barely commit to a short story. As in, I started a 19-page story on the bus to work on Monday and finished it on the bus to work on Friday. That was kind of depressing. What was even more depressing was that the story starts and ends with the same line, which, even more depressingly, is: "When the door against which Lyubochka was pressed by the invisible force finally opened, it turned out that the trolleybus was already moving and now she had to jump straight into a puddle." That actually happens.

This week started out promising, as I finished a whole story on Monday, but I haven't picked up a non-textbook book since.

So October is an insanely busy month. November should certainly be better, and not just because there's a three-day weekend. I don't have to do the company newsletter in November. Also, there would almost have to be fewer observations. Not that I've actually completed all of them for this month, but having them hang over my head until I can is also stressful.

To make matters worse, I had an argument with my boyfriend on Monday, my new haircut is not flattering, the copier at work is broken, and I also had two really bad, unproductive lessons yesterday (and in two of my favorite groups, which is awful), though one of them included the following exchange:
"...so don't anthropomorphize."
"Why?"
"The animals don't like it."

It seems like I've been inadverdently offending a lot of people lately (great idea in the weeks leading up to your birthday, btw), but I couldn't always figure out why. Today I realized that, when I'm under a lot of stress, I have a serious intonation problem. Or, rather, I lose control over my probably-already-existing intonation problem. In fact, intonation is one of the reasons I don't like teaching conversational English and, the more I think about it, probably the reason I hate talking on the phone.

I'm not sure that my intonation is all that bad under normal circumstances, but it's one of those things, like looking at people when I talk to them, that I often have to remind myself about, either to use it at all, or not to use inappropriate intonation (this is much, much worse than not using it). But if I'm under too much stress, I don't bother, with horrible consequences (see: Monday's argument), and occasionally kind of amusing ones.

For example, yesterday, I found out that one of my students is pregnant. I produced the requisite happy-congratulatory reaction when she told me because I am happy for her and also because I'm polite. But it seems something went wrong when I repeated this news to my coworkers:
"I just found out that one of my students is pregnant!"
"Adult or teenager?"
"Adult, thank goodness."
"Is she married?"

And:
"I just found out that my student at the company is pregnant!"
"Oh. Is that good or bad?"

So those exclamation points are probably incorrect, but I totally meant to say them. I stopped telling people after those two exchanges because I got distracted by something shiny and also because it was depressing. It wasn't until today, in fact, that I put everything together and realized that, in addition to my eye contact (which I was at least aware of), my intonation has probably been way off lately.

It is also worth noting that my birthday is on Friday. I'm going to be a square! Which would have been a good Halloween costume (I hijacked someone's Halloween party and combined it with my birthday party, but I didn't think about costumes) if not for the facts that I try to keep my real age shrouded in mystery and I am already kind of a square.

As I recall

2007-09-12T00:16:00.000+04:00

My boyfriend is out of the hospital! Now he's back at work again.

And on the subject of relationships, I often find xkcd to be true-to-life, but this is just creepy.

Here is a word of advice: if you're going to watch the "Borat" movie (I wouldn't bother), the way to do this is to watch it in a language you don't understand (so you could either take my previous comment with a grain of salt or recognize that the movie sucks that much) with a rather conservative translator.
movie: [something in Russian that I can't understand]
boyfriend: [hysterical laughter]
me: What did he say?
bofriend, still laughing: Oh, I can't translate that. It's too dirty.
Repeat this process for two hours.

I will admit that I was kind of interested to see the movie responsible for the breakup of the Anderson-Rock marriage. I was really expecting those two to make it.* Actually, she really wasn't in the movie very much at all, and she gets points for apparently having a sense of humor about the whole sex tape (hi, googleteers! No porn here!) business, unlike, reportedly, Mr. Rock.** In her place, I suppose I would have run it by him first, but then in her place I wouldn't have married Kid Rock. Or Tommy Lee, for that matter.

Today I found myself pointing out, not by any means for the first time, that "we both liked 'Casablanca'" does not count as having something in common any more than do the shared beliefs that sunsets are nice, butterflies are pretty, and Moscow is cold.

Later it occurred to me that, if my boyfriend saw "Casablanca," he'd probably be the one person in the world not to like it. It sounds crazy, but it actually works out because I'm the only person in the world who doesn't like "Roman Holiday."*** That might count as having something in common. Moreso than it would if we both liked "Casablanca," certainly.

I'm going to test my boyfriend-Casablanca theory for the simple reason that I want to see it again. I will report the results. First order of business: find a copy.

* I ALWAYS expect couples like this to make it on the grounds that it's so crazy that they must know what they're doing. Usually just the first part is true. In fact, if TomKat don't make it, I might have to revise my theory. But I'm sure they will.
** Perhaps he didn't know about the tape.
*** There are a few reasons for this, but most of it boils down to: What's the point of having divine right if you don't use it to impale people who drug you and marry cute foreigners?

Time to go back to my mansion and eat my lobster

2007-09-10T00:06:00.000+04:00

If you had to tell me which Simpsons character I was most like, Lisa would be the obvious, and boring, choice. But I've also been compared to Rev. Lovejoy (my mother's contribution, so ask her why), Moe (my mother again), The Comic Book Guy (trivia brain!), Mrs. Krabappel (give me a few years), and Mr. Burns (it's the selfishness, expensive taste, physical weakness, anti-sun vendetta, and, oh yeah, the fact that I say "excellent" all the time). Nobody ever compares me to Homer.

And, while I appreciate that, I do occasionally have Homer Simpson days. Last Monday was such a day.

I have a lesson at 9:15. I forget that everybody else has to be at work by 9 (which is Russian for 9:20) and therefore there will be traffic and I should probably leave a little earlier than I do for my non-rush-hour classes. So, 9:15 comes and goes and I am still sitting in a taxi which is sitting in a traffic jam. I call my school in a panic and ask them to call my company and tell them I'm going to be late. After I hang up, the taxi pulls into the company parking lot (good timing, me).

When I get to the security desk, they have no record of me. They keep looking for my document, but they cannot find it, which of course is taking more and more time. I am a bit panicked by this point. Finally, they call my contact down to the lobby:
contact: Hi, how are you?
me: SorrypleaseIknowthatIamveryverylate.Thereweremanycarsonthestreet.
contact: So, you know that you will have four lessons a week this year. They're at...
me: YesyesIknow.TodayIamverylate.
contact: But you are starting on the 10th.
me: Ye...what? The 10th?
contact: Yes. Next week.
me: Oh...huh.

So I wasn't 30 minutes late so much as I was 167.5 hours early. Unfortunately, I have the feeling that it won't happen twice, so I should probably wake up early tomorrow.

Which shouldn't be that hard, actually, as it promises to be rainy. That means that I'll happily wake up and leave the house without wasting time on sunscreen and covering my head but everyone else will be slow and late because they don't want to go outside.

Guess I'm a little bit shy

2007-09-02T00:49:00.000+04:00

Tomorrow I start teaching. Today I am visiting the hospital, doing some work for Moscow, planning my lessons for the week, doing laundry, and, apparently, updating my blog.

I had to write a profile for our company's website. This is apparently the best I could do. And the little flourishes that make me sound like I have a personality (specifically, "hi," "green city," "friendly," and "look forward to") were edited in by one of the bosses.

One of the school officials uses the term "personality teacher" to describe the teachers who depend more on their charisma than on their teaching skills to keep students. It's not that personality teachers are necessarily bad teachers (often they're excellent), but that their students wouldn't care if they were bad. Because it's about the person, not about the teaching. On the one hand, personality teachers are a scheduling nightmare because their students often refuse to have lessons with any other teacher. On the other hand, you can send them to almost any group and be sure that the students will be happy with them.

Needless to say, I am not a personality teacher. In fact, I am a lack-of-personality teacher. Students ask me to talk about myself and I tell them that my English doesn't need practice, or that I'll discuss my personal life when Cambridge adds a section about it to their tests (they totally should). They know that I love conditionals. They suspect that I'm a workaholic. They probably know that I went to Siberia this summer because I couldn't shut up about it. But, beyond that, there's nothing interesting. Certain students love this because it makes them feel like they're learning, but for the most part I lack the appeal of a personality teacher.

This used to bother me a lot because I wanted to be popular. In my second year, I gave up on wanting to be liked so much, and I'm a better teacher for that. In my third year, I got promoted, and that's when I got into a stupid habit: I started throwing my title around. Not too much, but enough that people would know that I had responsibilities beyond being a regular teacher. This was intended to make me sound more impressive.

If you know anything about Russia, you know that it worked. As a matter of fact, it worked too well, and now I suspect that my English lessons have become something of a status item in certain sectors. As in, "No ordinary teacher can teach me! I must work with your assistant director of studies!"

It's not that I'm not a good teacher. It's just that I don't think that this is the result of a sudden interest in conditionals, which is unfortunate. (Nor is it due to any sudden interest in me, which is good). What happened was that I tried to impress students with my title, and now students are trying to impress other people with my title. The result is that now I get sent to important clients, some of whom don't take their lessons very seriously at all, giving me more stress but fewer papers to mark.

And while we're on the subject of status items: After reading the last post, you might wonder why I was on the Hermes website. It's because my super awesome, irreplaceable purse is going to fall apart in a month or two and one of the Hermes bags is the only bag I have seen that even comes close to what I want.* It turns out that said purse not only costs $6000 or more, but is not even sold on their website for fear that people like me will buy it, so it's back to the drawing board for me. Or to the crocodile farm and a sewing machine store.

Hermes always reminds me of one time when I was teaching a lesson about shopping (the textbook made me do it. Really!)
student: I only like shopping for ties. I have 30 ties.
me: Wow.
student: Do you know shop "Gurmiz"?** It is the only place I buy ties.
me [assuming this is some local Russian shop]: No. I don't buy many ties.
student: You must know. Gurmiz. It is French.
me: No, sorry. I just don't know.
Frustrated, student writes down the name of the shop, which is Hermes. I then pronounce it correctly and place it at the very top right corner of the price/quality chart*** I had drawn, all the while realizing that this student's collection of ties (which, unlike, say, shoes, are completely unnecessary) is worth more than I make in a year. Russians really like their status symbols.

* Big enough to carry a book, smaller than me, secure, trapezoidal, with long handles and/or a shoulder strap and feet. Also, no ugly hardware. Why is that too much to ask?!?

** The story makes more sense if you know (as I did) that "h" in other languages is often transliterated to "g" in Russian, even, apparently, when the "h" isn't pronounced.

*** This is a way of presenting vocabulary like cheap, bargain, good/bad value, ripoff, etc. The horizontal axis represents quality, and the vertical represents price, since price is at least a little bit dependent on quality.

Yeah, well, you're interferon with our good time

2007-09-01T20:59:00.000+04:00

I have a number of excuses for not having updated. To start with, I was in Siberia. I got back to Moscow two days before starting work, so I've been busy (the start of the year is busy for me).

Now I am preoccupied because my boyfriend is in the hospital with pneumonia. They caught it really really early (they can't even hear it), so he will be fine. He has to stay in the hospital for at least a week because it's Russia. The hospital is clean and they're treating him well, so hopefully he won't still be there in a month (this happened to a friend of mine who went in for appendicitis, was neglected by hospital staff, almost died, changed hospitals, and needed a bunch more surgeries). He doesn't like the food, but there's a little cafe on the first floor and plenty of people to bring him food. The hospital itself is close to one of the companies I teach at, which would be great if the visiting hours were longer (remember, this is Russia). As it is, though, it's pretty easy to get to.

I don't have much to say about the trip right now other than that it was super awesome and I want to go back to Siberia. I think I will find the time to blog more about it. I took a ton of photos that will also need to be posted.

It is also worth noting that my birthday is coming up in less than two months (somebody older and wiser advised me to enjoy these months because it's all downhill from there), and I have decided that this is certainly the perfect gift for me. Because I like to travel, I worry excessively about security, and I am la бегемотка, which is very bastardized Russian for "little hippopotamus."* And because I've always wanted a luggage lock that costs 3-5x as much as any item of luggage I own.

* In Russian, this isn't insulting. Cartoon hippopotami are funny and friendly, so that's what it means. I like it because they're depicted as friendly creatures but are actually quite deadly. I also enjoy having a nickname that requires a footnote.

Pictures!

2007-07-10T01:52:00.000+04:00

I'm leaving tomorrow. I did manage to upload the pictures from New York before I left: Pictures!

2007-06-27T12:02:00.000+04:00

So what happened was I got sick and still had to work and completely neglected the blog, which is unfortunate, because a lot has happened in the past month or so.

To start with, I'm home! The journey home was not easy. Czech Air said that I didn't need a paper ticket to get onto my flight, just the reservation prinout and my ID. This would be true if not for the fact that they codeshare with Aeroflot and Aeroflot:
- is stuck in the 20th century and hasn't figured out how e-tickets work
- has rude, incompetent staff

So, while they acknowledged that I had reservations and that my passport was, in fact, valid, they still would not let me onto the plane. I had to drag my Russian-speaking coworker to the Czech Air office (in central Moscow rather than in the airport, because Czech Air, too, is disorganized and incompetent) and try and get a reservation for the next day. Which I did, thanks to one really helpful employee. "She has restored my faith in Russian customer service," I said. "She's not Russian. She was speaking Russian with an accent," said my friend. Oh, well.

The flight, when I actually managed to get onto it, was really pleasant.

I missed the graduation by a couple hours.

After that, we spent a couple days in New York being tourists. I really liked the museums, but the city itself seemed really, really loud and very hard for me to adjust to. People in New York seem to feel the need to speak at the top of their lungs, but part of the problem was that I'm in the habit of listening to all the English I hear. Where I live, if I hear English, it's usually directed at me and I can tune everything else out. In New York, I was surrounded by really loud conversations in English and didn't know where to listen. So I found New York overwhelming in this way. But I liked the museums and the public library, and Central Park is pretty. There is also a 3-story Ann Taylor on 5th Avenue. Anyway, I can provide pictures later. There are some funny pictures.

Now I'm in California, trying to plan the second part of my journey and talking myself out of buying shoes and clothes (both of which are cheaper here than in Moscow) because I will have to carry everything I buy all the way across Siberia.

One thing I cannot get over is how friendly people in San Francisco are. When I went to the Chinese Embassy to apply for my visa, I had a nice conversation about travel plans with the people around me, which involved minimal complaining about how long the line was (it was out the door, but moved fairly quickly). On my way back, a woman stopped me on the street to compliment my outfit, which made my day. And then I went to the shopping centre, where all the store clerks except the ones at Bloomingdale's (it's like they can sense poverty) did the same.

So that's what I've been up to. I'll be better about updating.

Eurovision!

2007-05-14T17:30:00.000+04:00

I promise a dissertation on Eurovision before the week is out. In summary, while it's officially the Eurovision Song Contest, songwriting is just about the last consideration. Contestants are evaluated on the basis of:
- staging
- looks
- catchiness
- kitschiness
- how favorably their country is viewed by people voting in other countries
- musical talent
- looks
- lyrics

This was only my third Eurovision, but I will admit to being a bit obsessed with it when it comes around.

Anyway, how it works is, each country chooses somebody to send to represent their country in the song contest. This year, 42 countries participated. There are always 24 countries in the final round: Britain, France, Germany, Spain (because these four countries are the biggest sponsors), the top 10 from the previous years, and the top 10 from the semifinal, which airs earlier in the week (and which I've never seen).

There are 24 performances, most of which are delightfully over-the-top and in terrible English (this year's winner was the first winning song since 1998 to contain no English lyrics). The winner is determined by phone voting. You can't vote for the country you're in, which is reasonable. Each country announces its top 10, with 12 points going to first, 10 to second, 8 to third and 7-1 to the 4th-10th.

People always complain about the voting because it seems to be about culture or politics, rather than about the music. Germany ranked Turkey highly because there are a lot of Turkish immigrants in Germany. Russia gives points to Georgia, but not vice-versa, for the same reason. Malta always gives the UK 12 points. The former Yugoslav republics have each others' backs (to some extent). Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine vote for each other. Israel votes for Russia, Belarus and Ukraine. Cyprus votes for Greece. Turkey gives points to Armenia, but not vice-versa. The Scandinavian countries vote for each other, but it's slightly less blatant, and I think it's actually in response to the other blocs. This, for me, is just part of what makes Eurovision Eurovision, but some people are actually upset about it and there is talk of the western countries, which get screwed over due to their stable borders and low emigration rates, withdrawing in protest.

Actually, this is almost a dissertation. So I promise a dissertation on this last Eurovision in particular (which was my favorite of the three, despite the lack of Croatia, Dima Bilan, or the Eurovision drinking game) sometime soon.

I also bought a hat today, because I have decided that I no longer go outside without covering my head and I was getting bored of scarves. If I could afford it (not even close: gloves are very expensive!), I'd start wearing gloves everywhere. Nobody would notice, or care, because when you're a foreigner living in Russia you can wear pretty much whatever you want. This is partly because Russians are very flashy and just flat-out ignore traditional rules of dress. If you decide to wear a leopard-print vinyl miniskirt, you're still the most conservatively dressed person in the room. If you feel like wearing three slightly-but-observably different flower prints, you're still one of the most coordinated. And it's partly because they have low expectations for foreigners (especially Americans). If you decide to wear unironed jeans and tennis shoes everywhere, well, that's just what Americans wear.

Next time someone asks me why I live in Russia, I will direct them to this blog entry. It's all about Eurovision and hats.

In other, more important, news: tomorrow is open-toed shoe day!

2007-05-11T23:49:00.000+04:00

Today I was explaining to one class that they can't use "fall" in the present perfect continuous ("I have been falling") unless they find themselves in a bottomless pit because it's generally a short action ("I've fallen"). They, and every other Russian I've told this story to since, pointed out that it's okay to say "I've been falling in love," and I had to concede that it was, to which one student said, "so, love changes everything...even the grammar rules!"

I finally bought a dress for summer. I was about to give up for the day when I saw it, decided that I could at least try it on, and was surprised to find that it looked really good (this was confirmed by the friend I was shopping with, so it's not just my rampant narcissism).

The whole thing made me realize that I have an extremely predictable personal style. It involves boring hair, boring makeup, a boring, layered top, a boring, dark-colored or gray skirt, and "what are you wearing on your feet?!?" I know this because my first thought upon buying this dress was "what can I wear over this?" and my second was "now I need some orange shoes!"

I like this predictability, actually, because it will make all future shopping much easier.

In other, more important, news, Eurovision is tomorrow!

I told him that photo would come back to haunt him

2007-05-09T00:04:00.000+04:00

I just wanted to post about this because I found it disturbing:
http://chronicle.com/wiredcampus/index.php?id=2029

When I read the summary, and that she was accused of promoting underage drinking, I assumed that she was underage in the photo. Actually, she's 27 and the photo was taken two years ago.

It actually reminds me of the case in the 1970s that allowed pregnant teachers to keep their jobs. (Which I read about in Glamour, of all places). Basically, teachers used to be pushed out of their jobs as soon as they were visibly pregnant because it was thought that the sight of them would make students uncomfortable. These were married teachers at public schools. More recent cases that you can google involve unmarried or fertility-treatment-using teachers at religious schools, which could be two other blog posts right there.

How does one draw a connection between bringing a new life into this world and drinking whilst wearing a pirate hat? It's the idea that students can't handle the fact that their teachers have lives outside of work. Or the idea that, if that bothers students (or, more likely, their parents), that that is somehow the teacher's responsibility. This is completely unreasonable. As long as they're teaching and not discussing their child-conceiving or drinking habits at school, they have fulfilled their professional responsibility.*

Just for fun, if I ever move back to the US, I'll start holding everybody in every profession to the same standards that teachers are held to. This means, to start with, that I won't be watching TV, listening to music, or watching movies. Shopping in general might be iffy, since it's likely that at least half the store employees have myspace pages, and half of those probably make some mention of some kind of inappropriate behavior. Oh, and no more voting or taxes, either.

I'm not arguing that it was a good idea on her part. What I am saying is that it shouldn't matter. Obviously, it does, and teachers who want to get or keep jobs have to work within that stupid, stupid system. On that note, I also don't understand why the university couldn't have just warned her, which would have been helpful.

* - I say "they" because the TEFL industry in Russia is very (in fact, a little too) far removed from this situation.

And after many glasses of work

2007-04-30T20:52:00.000+04:00

I never say that I have an addictive personality. That implies that my personality is so wonderful that people can't get enough of it. And while that is, of course, true, it's not something I need to go around announcing. I don't know the adjective for what I want to say.

This is my way of saying that I bought a pair of shoes. Well, I kind of needed the shoes (they're low-heeled and black and replacing a very old, no longer supportive pair).

It's actually my way of saying that I have a holiday this week and am not sure what to do with myself. I don't have to work again until May 7th. I don't even have to think about work again until May 6th. Given that I've been working 150% of my contract teaching hours, not to mention the other stuff that I do, it's been a long time since I've had this much free time.

And how is it that I was even working that hard in the first place? I left America partly because of the workaholic culture. I felt like I'd have to spend most of my life working just to survive. Russians have (many, many) more holidays and work fewer hours per week than most Americans.

Of all the people I know back home, I assumed I was the least likely to get sucked into this stupid workaholic culture, due to my inherent laziness. But here I am, wondering if the place (which isn't even open for classes) is going to fall apart without me, or if my students are going to forget their English. I know that some of this is my own personality, but I think American culture is at least partly to blame. Why is it that Russians don't seem to have any trouble taking long holidays in the middle of the year?

Though I guess they just have different socially acceptable addictions. Work is better for my liver. Probably.

In other news, this happened back home: http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/30/highway.collapse.ap/index.html
Amazingly, nobody was killed, and even the driver was able to walk away with minor injuries, which means you're allowed to gawk at the pictures.

Here's a question for some mega nerd out there: how long does this section of freeway have to be out, thereby forcing some portion of commuters onto public transport, to create a net drop in air pollution? You have to account for:
1. the giant fireball which started the whole thing
2. the extra public transport being made available
3. the fact that some of the commuters will probably be driving longer distances instead
4. the air pollution created by the repair machines

Still in Russia

2007-04-21T01:43:00.000+04:00

Yeltsin died on Monday, and today is a national day of mourning, which as far as I can tell just means there's a funeral (actually, wikipedia says he's being buried as I type this). Because I don't understand Russian well enough, I can't tell if the media coverage here is as obnoxious as it is in America when a former president dies. It would be more justified, since he was the first democratically elected president and all, but I do like the fact that he's being buried in a timely manner rather than touring the country. I also appreciate that the Yeltsin critics I know seem to have backed off for now.

There's a lot of nostalgia for the Soviet Union here, particularly among old people and people who are about my age. Old people have lower pensions and less social support under the current economic situation, and I think the people my age just feel nostalgic. They would have been children during Soviet times, and my impression is that they were more sheltered (i.e., less worried about nuclear war) than American children. It is also true that a lot of Russians suffered greatly during the mid-1990's (one student claimed that half the people he finished university with were murdered). People also percieve terrorism to be a bigger problem now than it was before the collapse.* Anyway, the end result is that a lot of Russian people don't have anything nice to say about Yeltsin or Gorbachev.

In happier news, I started teaching at a software company this week. I have to say, as far as business English goes, nerds are probably my favorite demographic to teach. They ask good questions and don't try to pick you up. They tend to be a bit full of themselves, which bothers some teachers, but I just find it funny. One student says "yes, that's correct" every time I tell him how to say something correctly. "Oh, good," I say, "I was worried."

Another student is apparently obsessed with quantum mechanics. I'm not sure what this entails, but I keep using blue and violet whiteboard markers in the hopes that he'll freak out about his electrons' being dislodged.

At another company, one of my students has decided that his next wife is going to be hard-working, a bit of a workaholic, will like to travel, be a bit adventurous and impulsive, younger than him and "probably not Russian." I'm not sure where he thinks he's going to meet this woman.

* - I have no idea if it really is. It doesn't make logical sense to me that it would be, or that it's linked in any way to the collapse of the USSR, but it has a certain truthiness.

Siberia!

2007-04-16T15:21:00.000+04:00

So, the plane tickets are purchased and now I can say that I'm going to Siberia!

Coworker: People used to say that in the 1950's, too, but I think it was in a different tone.

I wrote a possible itinerary and now have to go about getting all my ducks in a row so I can write the final itinerary. But, basically, I'm going to New York for my brother's graduation, on to California for a couple weeks at home, then to Beijing for a few days (trying to figure out just how many is the hard part), then I'm taking the trans-Mongolian railway back to Moscow. So, from Beijing, I want to go to another city in China because otherwise it's a long train ride. In any case, it goes: Beijing - ? - Ulan Baatar (the capital of Mongolia) - Ulan Ude (first stop in Russia) - Lake Baikal and Irkutsk, where I'll spend a few days - Zima (which not only breaks up the train journey, but was also described as "a weird little town" on one website and has a poem written about it) - Krasnoyarsk - Novosibirsk - Omsk - Tobolsk - Yekaterinburg, where I'll spend another few days - Perm - Nizhny Novgorod - Moscow. Of course, this is idealistic, as train timetables, money, and the fact that I might get fed up and quit will all disrupt the itinerary. But this is the dream.

And it has led to the biggest packing challenge of my life (which is why I've started thinking about it two months in advance). I need to bring a camera, documents, money, and some other stuff. The other stuff has to be suitable for a graduation ceremony in New York (my current wardrobe, I feel, is inadequately preppy), walking around New York City (inadequately fashionable), walking around Beijing (I don't really think I can blend in here, but I don't want to stand out more than I have to), walking around small, nature-infested Siberian towns and Lake Baikal (inadequately rugged), walking around bigger Russian cities (I at least have this one covered), and spending a lot of time on trains. It will also have to not need ironing, be hand-washable, and fit into no more than two small bags and a backpack.

Anyway, I went shopping this weekend for something graduation-y (I decided to start from the beginning of the journey), but all I found were tent-shaped minidresses, dresses with a waistband that is supposed to fall somewhere around your hips (this wasn't due to my height (I have more sense than to try such a dress on), it's the way the dresses are actually supposed to fit), a lot of loud prints, and some passable clothes that were out of my price range. There was also a nice red skirt that I could afford and that looked like it would probably fit, but by the time I came across it I was feeling far too pear-shaped for a brightly colored skirt. It would have been inadequately preppy, anyway.

Anyway, looking around at all the cute clothes made me think of how much money I've probably saved by being rather difficult to shop for. If I were six feet tall and rail-thin, there's no way I'd have enough money to go to Siberia because I'd have spent all my money on clothes because everything I tried on would look good. At least, that's what I imagine such a life would be like.

I also discovered that, no matter how many shoes I have, I can't not walk into a shoe store. Just to look, of course. I'm like a recovering alcoholic who still goes to bars, or a newlywed who still reads Craigslist. In other words, it might not end well.

High-strung

2007-04-10T21:37:00.000+04:00

Happy Easter! I hope that yours was better than mine. Food poisoning or stomach flu thwarted my weekend plans (which involved going to church and buying plane tickets), so now I am freaking out about my summer plans (or, rather, lack thereof). If summer doesn't work out, I'll probably do something expensive in May (new mobile phone, train around the Baltic states), but I'd need to get to work on that post haste.

Conversation today:
another teacher: You seem high-strung today.
me: ...today? Have you met me before?

Now I'm going to write about books. If you haven't read Anna Karenina, you shouldn't read any further because I'm going to spoil the ending.

In my sick time, I read The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende, which I did not like at all, and Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys, which I loved. It was all about semi-political female-written first-person-narrated unsuccessful-marriage-including books about members of formerly powerful families in Central and South America this week.

I read The House of the Spirits because I had read something else by Allende and didn't like it. When I read something I don't like by a famous author, I usually try to read another book, just to make sure. Sometimes, this has worked out really well. The best example of this is Haruki Murakami: I didn't like Norweigan Wood, but I've loved everything of his that I've read since that. Not so with Allende. It was the idea of the story in general and the foreshadowing in particular that I couldn't deal with. If Allende had written Anna Karenina, it would have gone something like this: "Anna looked at the train, unaware that one day she would throw herself in front of one." And she would have somehow deserved it because of something her grandfather did years ago, unaware that his granddaughter would one day throw herself in front of a train.

I don't know what I'll read next. For the first time since coming to Russia, I actually have a lot to choose from. So life, in that one respect, is good. Life is also good in the respect that I have a lot of shoes. And that about sums it up.

Wreck a nice beach

2007-03-31T22:18:00.000+04:00

I always admit it when I make mistakes in class, and I tell the teachers to do the same, because if you insist that you're right, your students might go home and look it up, and then you'll come out looking like an insecure jerk. If they don't look it up, they'll end up copying your mistake, causing their next teacher to have to clean up your mess. Just admit that you're wrong and move on with your lesson.

Anyway, I made a mistake in class the other day and my student's response to this mistake was "you're not a robot!"*

My very first thought? "Like robots never make mistakes with language. Gosh!"

And I wonder why one of the teachers keeps quoting Napoleon Dynamite to me.

I walked into class the other day and one of my students said "you are very beautiful." It took me a moment to realize that that's pre-intermediate-level speak for "you look nice today" because they haven't learned that construction yet. They'll learn it in chapter 6, but now I kind of don't want to teach it.

* - not, by the way, in a sympathetic tone like "don't worry, everybody makes mistakes," which I would have found a bit condescending, but in more of a surprised tone like "well, I guess I owe somebody a Coke," which I found kind of flattering.

The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems

2007-03-26T13:22:00.000+04:00

I am a nerdy, obnoxious drunk. I spent my Saturday evening insisting to this guy named Luke that he was *totally* named after the Star Wars character, and his parents' first date *totally* must have been one of the Star Wars movies, and that is *totally* cute. Becuase, you know, that name didn't exist before Star Wars.

I spent my Sunday vowing never to drink or leave the house ever again.

1. If you could suddenly speak one language fluently (that you don't currently speak) what would it be?
Russian, because it would make my life easier. Or maybe Old Church Slavic, because it's more unusual, and would make learning Russian easier anyway.

2. If you were to suggest a foreign film, that you really enjoyed, what one would you suggest?
Amelie, Rashomon, The Seven Samurai, The Idiot, Ran, Ivan the Terrible, Yi Yi, some others.

3. If you had to call another country home (other than the one you currently live in) what one would you choose?
Hmm...I suppose America would be the obvious answer. But, actually, Sweden. Good health care, good social programs, and it looks like a model railroad set.

4. If you went out to buy an import music CD, what one would you buy?
I have no idea what counts as import. I get everything from iTunes or the Zelenograd network now.

5. If you were to chose an ethnic dinner, what would it be?
Decent, affordable Chinese food, or maybe sushi that actually came from the ocean to my plate without being frozen in between. Or heirloom tomatoes (does upper middle class count as an ethnicity?)

Really I'm just jealous because I wish the world revolved around me

2007-03-20T18:18:00.001+03:00

I was sick yesterday, so I called in sick, which means I don't get paid. I also made a mistake on some documents on Monday that had to be done, er, on Monday. So I had to go to work yesterday anyway. Paperwork takes less energy than teaching, but considerably more energy than sleeping the day away and drinking orange juice.

Also annoying is the fact that Spring is here and the sun is out, which will, of course, add years and years and freckles to my appearance and give me cataracts when I'm old. To make matters worse, everybody else is all "Woohoo! Photons!" because they love premature aging, I suppose.

I've just started to remind myself of Mr. Burns. That can't be good.

The good news is, Moscow is actually protected by a cloud of pollution, so it's not as bad as, say, California, what with its semi-clean air and fresh food. And it's the first week of the year that the streets aren't totally destructive to normal, non-waterproof shoes.

But the point of this post was to mention that I'm still alive, and to wonder out loud what I should do this summer. Basically, I have to go to New York (and Boston, because I've been meaning to visit for about 4 years now). But what then? Do I fly back to Moscow? Do I go to California for a while and then fly back to Moscow?

Or do I attempt the superholiday? The superholiday will take me from Moscow to New York to San Francisco to Beijing and then across Siberia by train, back to Moscow. I would have to plan this all in 2.5 months. And, actually, since I'm going to New York no matter what, I have to buy that ticket as soon as possible. So the question I have to answer now is whether I buy round trip or one-way. Buying round trip means that I have forfeited the superholiday. Buying one way means that I could still forfeit the superholiday, but it would be a monumental waste of money to do so (of course, some would say that the superholiday itself is a monumental waste of money, but let's assume for the sake of argument that it's not).

I have 550 nerd points

2007-03-01T00:01:00.000+03:00

One of the teachers has started awarding nerd points to people based on his own bizarre criteria (I lost nerd points for liking "Napoleon Dynamite" and gained them back for quoting the film). So he spends a lot of time walking around the school giving and taking away points. If you thought of Professor McGonagall just now, you get 50 points.

Tomorrow I have to run a workshop for business English teachers. This is actually my first time running a workshop, and I am not looking forward to it. Actually, I'm freaking out about it. Partly because not all of our teachers are the nicest people all of the time, so I'll get made fun of a lot and partly because I'm only used to teaching English, not teaching teaching, which I imagine to be completely different (I guess I'll find out). But mostly because I go through life with a really unhealthy level of anxiety.

Here is an on-time Friday Five, which is about otters:

1. How do you feel about teeter-totters?
Actually, I've never been on one because I didn't have any friends when I was a kid. Thanks a lot for reminding me.

2. What is something you otter get done this weekend?
Part 1 (of 3) of the workshop.

3. Who’s someone who seemed normal when you first met but got odder and odder as you got to know him or her?
Pretty much everyone I know, the exceptions being people who never seemed normal. Getting to know people involves finding out about their quirks. Everybody has quirks, so everybody gets odder as you get to know them.

4. Thinking of your mother: What’s something that always awed her?
Probably my trivia-brain.

5. What is your favorite small, furry, non-domesticated animal?
I love orangutans, but they're not really small. I kind of like bats in theory, but I wouldn't want to run into them.

This is a very shallow post

2007-02-25T22:26:00.000+03:00

Is anybody else finding this Britney Spears coverage stupid? As in, it's perfectly ok for your average American woman to be marketed as a sex symbol at age 17, cry on TV, get married for 55 hours in Vegas, steal a boyfriend from a pregnant woman, buy a husband, divorce said husband and let him know by text message, neglect her children, start drinking like crazy, sleep around, run around town without underwear, check into and out of rehab, but God forbid she shave her head! THAT must be a cry for help!

Okay, so I've been a bit busy, but here are the shoes:

Another view:

Insane but cute!

But here's a question that's been plaguing me since I bought them (it won't be warm enough to wear them for a while yet): what, exactly, am I going to wear them with? If I were tall and thin, it would be a turquoise shirtdress with brown belt. Or white belt if I also had a white bag. Or, if I were tall and thin and didn't need to go anywhere and could be guaranteed an exact match, a white shirtdress with turquoise leather belt. None of these conditions apply, though, so I'm stuck. When you're not tall and thin, and your shoes have skulls on them, the rest of your outfit should pretty much scream understatement. Possibly a brown A-line skirt with white shirt and some kind of turquoise accessory.

Clearly, I've put too much thought into this. Black still matches with everything, right?

On another note, Friday Five. They're in honor of the Police reunion, which explains why they're weird:

1. Who’s got you wrapped around his or her finger?
Nobody. Unless you count my addiction to shoes (please don't).

2. What’s as easy to learn as your ABCs?
The IPA (well, the parts that apply to English, in any case).

3. Whose destiny is to be the king (or queen) of pain?
Nobody, I hope.

4. Who would you like not to stand so close to you?
One of my students, of course!

5. Which animals’ stings have you experienced?
I got stung by a bee once.

Late Friday Five

2007-02-19T14:28:00.000+03:00

I spent the weekend working. Well, technically, I spent Sunday working. I spent Saturday shopping for a new bag, which felt like work.

My old bag was exactly the style and size I wanted, if poorly made. It fell apart after six months. Okay, I thought, I'll just go to a higher quality shop and pay more for a similar, but longer-lasting, bag. But it was not to be.

First of all, there are two basic sizes of purse: too small to be of any use whatsoever and big enough to hide a corpse, should you need to do so. The first category is clearly unsuitable. The second category is unsuitable because 1. all these bags have open tops for some reason. Just what you need in a land of snow and pickpockets, 2. they're taller than they are wide, which creates strata for things to get lost in, and 3. I'd look stupid carrying around a bag that's bigger than me.

So, purses are out. Briefcases are also out because they tended to either be designed for notebooks, and therefore bigger than what I was looking for, or exactly the right size and shape but without shoulder straps. Who makes a bag without a shoulder strap?!?

I ruled out messenger bags because I wanted a bag with an actual structure to it, and also because I feel I am too old for them. But after hours and hours of searching and lowering my standards I found a 200-rouble (about $8) green messenger bag. It's a temporary solution, as it's going to fall apart any day now, but it will do for now. What I like most about it is that it looks like an inventory bag. So I can use it on my many quests.

I also bought two pairs of shoes, including one Dia de los Muertos pair.

It's time for the Fri...er...Monday Five!
1. For these first seven weeks of 2007, what’s something you give yourself an A for?
Buying shoes. Seriously, that's all I've got. But they're good shoes.

2. What’s something you give yourself a B for?
Teaching. I have yet to walk out of a lesson thinking "ugh, that was awful," and I've only really been late twice (and it was only my fault once).

3. What’s something you give yourself a C for?
Doing the rest of my job. It's a busy time of year, so while I'm doing my job, I'm not very organized or efficient about it.

4. What’s something you give yourself a D for?
Eating right. I need to cook more and eat less chocolate.

5. What’s something you give yourself an F for?
Drinking.

Let's bee friends

2007-02-13T13:25:00.000+03:00

Yesterday while I was leaving one of my lessons, an old woman shoveled a pile of snow onto me and then yelled at me for being in her way. Did I get angry? Did I think she was being illogical? Did I wonder why somebody was making an old woman shovel snow? Nope! My only thought about this was "oh, good, it's clean." Which made me think that perhaps I had been in Russia too long.

But, on the other hand, I actually understood a news report on the radio today.

I also had four glasses of wine at a work party yesterday after basically not drinking for 14 months. I never gave up drinking completely, to be fair, but I placed so many restrictions that it was like I had given it up completely. To then turn around and, at one party (and a work party at that!), double my intake of alcohol for the year is worrisome, to say the least. So, I won't be doing that again.

At the same party, we had a love letter writing competition for Valentine's day. Basically, there was a list of 29 words and a time limit to write a letter or poem using as many as possible. I only got 16, so I didn't win, but I did learn that my style of writing is inappropriately formal for love letters. Also, it was written to a guy named Mark, which is the name of my husband in Sims 2, but I didn't want to tell anybody that, so I told them it was nobody (which is technically true), which probably made me sound evasive and mysterious.

Also, we had a competition to see who got the most valentines. I got six, two of which were from myself. The winner got 13.

On Wednesday I started teaching a new class, so they got to (okay, had to) ask me questions about myself. I am not that interesting, but I did figure out that I've been to 10 different countries (counting England and Scotland separately, but not counting Vatican City). Not bad. That means I should make it to about 32 in my lifetime, assuming that I have an average life expectancy, the world doesn't get destroyed, and it's still possible to travel long distances comfortably.

Just don't know

2007-02-11T19:27:00.000+03:00

You know you've spent too much time on Wikipedia when you see a typo on another page and immediately look for the 'Edit' button.

I went cross-country skiing today. I'm not very good at it. Also, the one day this week that I chose to do an outdoor thing was the one day that the sun chose to come out, reflect off the snow, and proceed to burn my face off in the middle of Russian winter. I don't know that I'd mind it so much, except that everybody feels that its acceptable to comment on such things, and it's really not. But the skiing itself was actually a lot of fun.

The rest of my life is not awesome. Work is stressful and my boyfriend, for some reason, picks arguments with me about the war on Iraq, which I never supported, and the Vietnam war, which I wasn't alive during. The funny thing is, we disagree on enough political issues to supply us with a lifetime of disputes. So there's no reason to pick fights about the issues we agree on.

Our office is having a competition to see who can get the most valentines. I wrote one to myself, and one to my coworker's shirt because it's a really nice shirt.

But everybody knows that she throws herself in front of a train!

2007-02-09T22:53:00.000+03:00

Having a blog means I get to do the Friday Five again. I did two because I wanted to, so this week's is more like a Friday Ten.

This is the current one:

1. When you were a student, would you have been more likely to turn your test in first or last?

First.

2. Question 1 on a test can be narrowed down to either A or B (you’re sure it’s one or the other). Question 12 on the test can be narrowed down to the same two answers. You know one is A and the other is B. Do you go for the all-or-nothing guess (choosing A for one and B for the other) or do you play it safe and take one correct (choosing A for both questions)?

All-or-nothing. But I don't cheat on tests, so why would I even know?

3. Are you more of a multiple-choicer, a true-falser, a fill-in-the-blanker, or a free-responder?

I was a good test-taker in general, but multiple-choice is easiest for me.

4. What are your thoughts on standardized college aptitude tests such as the SAT?

The SAT got me into the college of my choice, so I like it. It's also an accurate predictor of college success. Right now I'm more interested in standardized English tests because I have to teach students to pass them. I don't like most of them, but they're important. They keep weaker students from spending time and money on programs of study that they simply won't be able to handle, no matter how good they are at conversational English or untimed readings. I don't like immigration tests at all, though.

5. In the past week, in what ways have you been tested?

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. What an appropriate question for this week. My tolerance for cold weather has been tested (passed). My ability to walk on icy streets has been tested (failed). My patience with coworkers has been tested (barely passed). My ability to deal with students who are lazy, annoying, and vaguely creepy has been tested (passed so far). My professionalism in the face of serious problems at work that might leave me out of a job has been tested (we'll see). My tolerance for pain was tested when my stomach tried to digest itself (passed due to oatmeal). And, uh, my memory for Simpsons trivia was tested last Friday (at least I passed this one with flying colors).

This one occurred at the end of 2006, which makes sense. Question 1 will spoil the ending of AI for you, so you've been warned.

1. What film did you think had the most annoying, maddening, preposterous, disappointing, or idiotic ending?

AI. I will complain about this every chance I get (which is why I chose this one from the old Friday Fives). The first part of the film was brilliant. There were two points at which I thought it could have ended and still been brilliant. The first was when he jumped into the water (having established earlier that he is not waterproof). The second was when he was under the sea wishing to be a real boy.

There are a lot of movies whose endings I object to (off the top of my head: Sleepless in Seattle, Roman Holiday, Pretty Woman, North by Northwest, Contact). I even disliked the way "Friends" ended because I wanted them to move to France so that Emma could be bilingual. But AI is orders of magnitude worse because it could have been so, so good.

2. What is the most recent example in your life of something coming to an unexpected (or unwelcome) end and then turning into an even better beginning?

Hmm...nothing yet. Perhaps I'll be able to say this about the King's Quest series when the fan-made "sequel" comes out. I have really high expectations for that.

3. How do you feel about your rear end? (alternate question for those who think this is just far too inappropriate: How do you usually spend your sitting-around-on-your-rear-end days?)

Once I went shopping for jeans and one woman selling jeans shouted that it would be impossible to find jeans that would fit me. Despite this, I am quite attached to it. It's famine-resistant and keeps me comfortable on long train rides.

4. Some people read the endings of books before they invest time, energy, and emotion into the rest of them. What are your thoughts about this practice?

I think it's completely insane. In fact, it seems so wrong to me that I can't even explain why it's wrong because in order to do that I'd have to understand the arguments in favor, and I can't even begin to.

5. How would you like to end each day, and how do you actually end each day?

I'd like to end each day in my castle in Sweden after finding some priceless artifact or on one of my trains through the ocean on my way to somewhere interesting, or back to said castle after visiting somewhere interesting. Either way, I'd be curled up under a fluffy down comforter with a good book and hot chocolate (and I wouldn't have to get up again because I'd have self-cleaning teeth). Actually, I end each day by going home from work, wasting time on the internet, and attempting to sleep. Which I should do now.

I had an onion on my belt

2007-02-09T00:25:00.000+03:00

Back when I was in college and living with two other girls, I lived in an apartment with a cable modem that broke constantly, and the company was constantly sending someone to fix it. Soon, the three of us discovered that cable guys always try to pick up college students. I assume it must work occasionally, because, aside from what must start to seem like constant rejection, you can also report them.

Anyway, I remember one particular cable guy because, when I told him I had a boyfriend, he asked, "is he black?" (I think I need to point out here that the cable guy was black, and my boyfriend was not, and neither was I). I thought it was a weird question because it was so specific. Looking back, I don't know why it was significantly weirder than having a strange guy in your apartment trying to pick you up, or said strange guy asking about your boyfriend's race, or, you know, the entire situation. But, the point is, the guy continued asking me out until the cable was fixed, and I've always assumed there was some odd political thing going on with that question. Perhaps he thought that it was unacceptable to hit on some other guy's girlfriend if you're both the same race, but it's okay if you're not. It's possible that he was just collecting data because he found it interesting. For the purposes of the comparison I'm about to make, though, we have to assume it was the former.

Now I'm in Russia and my boyfriend is Russian, and people ask me, "he is Russian?" all the time, and it has never struck me as a weird question. What does strike me as weird is that, without fail, they then try to pick me up even more. Really. Even if they didn't seem at all interested in me before they asked. Even if I lie and tell them we're married (hey, the word for husband is easier to pronounce than the word for boyfriend). So I've concluded that there is no odd political thing among Russian guys, at least not the ones who are in Russia, which is fair enough.

But I'm starting to wonder if Russian males have bought into their own stereotypes. They are generally very negatively stereotyped, especially when it comes to relationships. They're all supposed to be sexist alcoholics or something. In any case, the stereotypes are unfair, but a lot of foreigners believe them anyway (and then I get to hear about it). Maybe Russians do, too. Then they think, "hmm...this girl's boyfriend is Russian, so he must be a sexist alcoholic. I'm not a sexist alcoholic, of course, so she'll definitely go out with me!" Or, sometimes, "hmm...this girl's boyfriend is Russian, so he must be a sexist alcoholic. That must mean I'm her type!"

Supporting my theory is the fact that my boyfriend, who hates that the company hired so many foreign male teachers this year, was not bothered at all when I told him I thought one of my students liked me. To him, some foreigners who are not at all interested in me and are my employees anyway are a bigger threat to our relationship than a Russian who actually does seem to like me. I should point out that I'm not interested in any of these people, so that's not a factor. I think he's just assuming that the student in question is a sexist alcoholic, whereas foreign males in Russia are all equality-minded teetotallers.

You see I've been through the hours of a day with no brain

2007-01-30T20:17:00.000+03:00

I think my brain crawled out of my ear last night when I was sleeping.

To begin with, I tried to give my morning student a listening test. This ended when the third question on the tape was completely different from the third question on the test, because the tapes are for a different edition of the book than the one I have. So you know right then that it's not going to be a super day.

I had a short break wherein I tried to exercise my shopping immunity, and then went back to work and talked about the shoes I didn't buy because they weren't in my size. You have to keep in mind that I'm wearing shiny boots while this conversation takes place.
Me: [going on about wonderful shoes]
Coworker: But would you really wear such shoes? They sound gaudy.
Me, with straight face: Yeah. I don't really mind gaudy shoes.
Hours later, I realize that he was being sarcastic.

Later, in the breakroom at work.
Coworker 1, looking at pretty full moon: Whoa...look at the moon.
Coworker 2: Ooh...it's nice.
Me, looking at orange half-circle looking thing: Weird. It looks like a soup bowl. I've never seen a moon like that.
[Strange looks from coworkers]
...I'm looking at a streetlamp, aren't I?

Last (I hope), I had to call the central school librarian (who often works at the reception desk at weekends, and I'm only ever there at weekends). Anyway, she has the same name as the girl who was working at the reception desk today. So I called and struck up a friendly conversation with the receptionist, who I'm sure I've never met. Then when I asked a question about books we both realized that I was talking to the completely wrong person.

If I were an unattractive male, people would probably assume that I was absent-minded yet brilliant. As it is, they probably think I'm an idiot. I want my brain back! I have no choice but to pick up a broom and dustpan and search my apartment. I do not think it could have got far. But what do I know?

Finally!

2007-01-29T12:13:00.000+03:00

I've finally started a Russia blog (about 2 years after I said I would), and I've finally put up my pictures from Turkey: http://www.flickr.com/photos/marinb. Er...more later. Work is busy.